IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some countries,there are fewer young people who listen to or play classical music these days. Why is this? Should young people be encouraged to play or problem classical music?

#countries #people #music
Music
 is very famous all over the world.At
present
Add a comma
present,
show examples
 in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 some adults
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
classic
Replace the word
classical
show examples
music
.
Although
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 like pop
music
 rather
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
folk
songs
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 our young generation should
be solve
Change the verb form
solve
show examples
this
 problem and
come
Verb problem
become part
show examples
 of our culture.I will discuss both views and I will answer these questions. There are several types of
music
 which
listen
Wrong verb form
listened
show examples
in
Change preposition
to on
show examples
 different occasions.Nowadays,in our society classical
music
 is very less common and people prefer to play pop
music
 a lot
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I see
before
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our legends who
sing
Wrong verb form
sang
show examples
folk
songs
 and they put their full effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their melody and listeners
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 enjoying their
music
moreover
,these types of
music
 was the sign of peace.
Furthermore
,now without meaning
songs
 which only give entertainment.
folk
music
 motivated our nation
every
Change preposition
in every
show examples
 field of life.
For example
,if we talk about Pakistan classical
music
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
inspired our army since
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 years ago
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they have many
songs
 to listen that reason of motivation.Day by day
trend
Correct article usage
the trend
show examples
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
music
 is less and
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
move
Correct subject-verb agreement
moves
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extra fast
music
 like hip hop,Bhangra and rap etc.
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
music
 is so noisy.
to
Capitalize word
To
show examples
 illustrate,we should follow our culture and follow our classical
music
.
Conversely
,our young people should encourage our heritage because every person has
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 choice and we should not forget our culture,
this
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
progress our countries and
connected
Wrong verb form
connects
show examples
 each
other's
Change noun form
other
show examples
 when we play slow
music
 we get peace
this
music
 and get
motivation
Replace the word
motivated
show examples
 their lines . In some nations fewer and fewer youngest
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
folk
music
 but it's not good for our nation because if we see our past our motivation
reason was
Verb problem
is
show examples
 to play
this
 slow
music
.we should tell our history
our
Change preposition
to our
show examples
 new generation.
Submitted by rs55169611 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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