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Band 4

In some country, health care is free, paid for by the state. In other countries, payment is divided between the state and people themselves.

#country #health #care #countries #payment #people
In general, the
government
 provide
insurance
 for their
society
 to acquire
health
 care services in some nations despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 extremely expensive. Even though, there are
countries
 that make some regulations for people to disburse protection in order to get access to
health
 facilities
due to
 economic problems.
This
 essay will discuss both points of view and provide clear reasons for that. On one hand, Some
countries
 still collect
insurance
 from their
society
 to pay themselves for protection for
health
This
 can occur in developing
countries
 that have lower income.
This
 can occur
due to
 some reason.
Firstly
, the
Government
 still focus on other issues
such
 as economics and transportation for people
Fix the infinitive
to
show examples
afford
this
 public amenity.
Secondly
, many developing
countries
for example
 in Africa continent still have conflict in many tribal communities, so they exclude the importance of
health
 services.
On the other hand
, the
government
 provide many facilities for their community in order to gain the
health
 package.
This
 is one of
government's
Add an article
the government's
show examples
 responsibilities for their
society
 in terms of increasing people's
health
. There are many reasons why nations provide
insurance
 for their
society
.
Firstly
, the
government
 have enough income,
secondly
,
health
 care become their focus in term of protecting
many
Change preposition
against many
show examples
 diseases that can happen in
this
 modern era
such
 as communicable disease. In conclusion, I believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should provide
insurance
 for their
society
 in terms of increasing their community life expectation.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt are addressed and that the essay provides a clear stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion by making them more explicit and informative.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors and improve your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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