IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

“Public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree?”

#“public #libraries #books #waste #resources #media #software #videos #dvds
The question
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
books
 should remain the main focus of public
libraries
 has long been a subject of debate. Public spaces have
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
 resources available and some may argue that it is not fair to waste them on high-tech
media
.
Although
 it is correct to limit a
library
Change noun form
library's
show examples
 own expenses,
libriarians
Correct your spelling
librarians
 should reinvent their spaces in order to keep them popular. 61 Not so
longa
Correct your spelling
long
show examples
 ago, public
libraries
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 fundamental to
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of people, from the student needing to consult encyclopedias to the retired man who just wants to read the daily journals. Nowadays,
due to
 social
media
,
libraries
 risk
to become
Change the verb form
becoming
show examples
 outdated and useless.
This
 is why it is essential to modernize these spaces. High-tech
media
 can enhance the
library
 experience in various ways. Through a public computer, the visitors can view the
library
's catalogue or use programs to study or for their projects. Videos or DVDs can be used for educational purposes too, and make the
library
 accessible to visually impaired people. The use of high-tech
media
 in public
libraries
 can be extremely useful but it should be a balance between
books
 and new technologies. A
library
 is supposed to be a quiet and peaceful place, where people can lose themselves through arrays of
books
. Too much
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 in
this
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 can ruin the experience.
Therefore
, it is critical to find a middle ground between the old and the new, without erasing the past. In conclusion, public
libraries
 should modernize themselves with high-tech
media
 but there should be a balance between
books
 and technologies.
Additionally
, the limited resources should be used wisely.
Submitted by rizzi.flavia99 on

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task response
You have addressed the task adequately and presented a clear argument. However, your examples could have been more relevant to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, you could improve the cohesion by using more linking devices to connect your ideas.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally appropriate. To further enhance your lexical resource, consider using a wider range of vocabulary and exploring different word forms.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is sufficient, with only minor errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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