IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the modern era, an individual's worth is often judged based on one's social standing and net worth,
while
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 other non-materialistic aspects
such
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 as humility and trust are seen to be non-essential. I personally reckon that
this
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 sentiment is true because
people
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 with
such
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 backgrounds continue to receive better treatment than others.
Firstly
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, the reason why our worth is highly influenced by materialistic factors is because our world is becoming more capitalist.
People
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 nowadays are encouraged to work more and climb the corporate or institution ladder because those
people
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 tend to be rewarded more
privileges
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.
For example
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, a marketer who manages to sell a product more than their target will be granted a higher bonus than those who do not.
While
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 it is definitely justifiable and reasonable,
such
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 a policy only perceives humans merely based on how much they earn.
Consequently
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, other factors
such
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 as hard work and honesty are dismissed as long as
people
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 can obtain a huge amount of money.
Secondly
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,
people
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 who have inherent high social status are still perceived to be more noble even in the contemporary era.
This
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 particularly happens in countries with a history of monarchy,
such
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 as the United Kingdom. Many
people
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 think that the members of the royal family must be given more
privileges
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 than ordinary citizens.
This
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 is
due to
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 the contribution that the royal family made to the country's prosperity in the past.
While
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 many groups have opposed
this
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 notion by urging governments to eliminate those
privileges
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,
such
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 a practice remains common. In conclusion, our society still places social status and wealth as important elements in determining one's value. I agree with
this
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 idea because
people
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 who make more money and come from certain social classes have been seen as more worthy than others, as shown by the
privileges
Use synonyms
 they get.

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structure
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. While the essay has a basic structure, transitions between ideas could be smoother to strengthen the overall coherence.
thesis clarity
Introduce a definitive thesis statement within the introduction and ensure that a conclusive statement is present at the end to strengthen the essay's position.
supporting details
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. The examples provided need to be more convincing and directly related to the topic.
task response
Make sure you fully address all parts of the task. While you have mentioned both sides of the argument and given a reasoned conclusion, ensure that the balance between them is maintained.
grammar
Work on varying sentence structures and use of complex grammatical forms to enhance the linguistic range of the essay.
vocabulary
Increase the range of vocabulary used to avoid repetition and to more precisely express complex notions.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
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