Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Ensuring national security has become one of the main goals for
governments
all around the world, Use synonyms
therefore
, it is proposed by some, that they should have Linking Words
access
to individuals' mobile phone Use synonyms
data
, Use synonyms
such
as messages and calls, to secure safety. Linking Words
However
, other Linking Words
people
argue that Use synonyms
this
information is private and cannot be available without Linking Words
person's
approval. In my opinion, Correct article usage
a person's
such
Linking Words
data
Use synonyms
access
can result in increased safety in many regions, Use synonyms
however
, it is required to change the Linking Words
legislation
to make Use synonyms
this
possible.
I agree, that when Linking Words
governments
are given Use synonyms
access
to Use synonyms
people
's phones, it is possible to fight against crime, and Use synonyms
therefore
, develop national security. Monitoring suspicious messagesLinking Words
,
could result in preventing terrorist attacks from happening, which can Remove the comma
apply
safe
Replace the word
save
lives
of many. Technological advances make it possible to filter all the accessed messages to find the dangerous ones. Correct article usage
the lives
This
Linking Words
practise
makes Replace the word
practice
this
method even more effective. Linking Words
However
, Linking Words
people
should be aware of Use synonyms
such
practices, since current Linking Words
legislation
in many developed countries protects personal Use synonyms
data
and trust Use synonyms
governments
.
It is true that Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
method
can be seen as an invasion of privacy. Correct article usage
a method
Moreover
, over the Linking Words
phone
Add a comma
phone,
people
tend to share vulnerable information about themselves, which is not meant to be heard by other Use synonyms
people
. It is a civil right to have personal space. In order to give Use synonyms
governments
Use synonyms
access
to Use synonyms
individuals
gadgets, the Fix the agreement mistake
individual
legislation
should be changed. Use synonyms
This
means that the majority of citizens should vote for Linking Words
such
changes. To achieve Linking Words
this
, the benefits of the Linking Words
practise
, mentioned previously, should be made clearer to Replace the word
practice
people
so that they can understand Use synonyms
the
value Change the word
its
of
Change preposition
apply
it
.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
To conclude
, I agree that Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
governments
should have Use synonyms
access
to our personal Use synonyms
data
collected through our phones, Use synonyms
however
, it is at the moment considered as an invasion of privacy, Linking Words
therefore
, Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
legislation
should be changed to enable Use synonyms
such
practices.Linking Words
Submitted by katja.otavina on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
The essay partially addresses the prompt but lacks a clear stance on whether governments should have access to mobile phone data for safety reasons. It is important to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and consistently argue for it throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a relatively clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, better cohesion and logical progression of ideas can be achieved by presenting a clear thesis statement and ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis. Additionally, the essay lacks a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of the accuracy and appropriateness of word choice. The use of more varied and precise vocabulary would make the arguments more compelling.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows relatively good control of grammar, with few errors. However, there are instances of awkward sentence structures and some minor grammatical errors. Pay attention to sentence structure and make sure to proofread carefully for grammatical accuracy.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.