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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the increasingly digital era, it is quite significant for individuals to save
money
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 for their future. I believe
this
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 consideration is very smart and useful for personal daily life and career. On the plus side, we have to admit that saving
money
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 brings a variety of benefits to the community. First of all, the key point of saving
money
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 for the public is to prevent sudden incidents,
such
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 as covering medical expenses for major diseases.
For example
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, especially for the elderly, most of them need to face health issues when they become old age. The most common major disease is cancer, which is
extremely
Add an article
an extremely
show examples
 common disease among the elderly population. Whether for the elderly themselves or their family members, having sufficient savings provides significant support and determination to fight
this
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 disease during the battle against it.
Thus
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, saving
money
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 is essential for both the elderly and young folks.
On the other hand
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, more and more young people pursue a hedonistic lifestyle, which means spending their savings to maintain a happy and comfortable life.
However
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, we have to notice a crucial issue in careers, especially for young people. Sometimes, they face unfair treatment in the workplace and they are not brave enough to quit that job.
Hence
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, enough
money
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 can give one person confidence and support, which helps them encourage themselves to fight against injustice or quit their job directly.
Additionally
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,
this
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 good habit of saving
money
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 can
also
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 help children and young folk develop financial skills and independence, which will serve as a good foundation for their future independent living. In summary, saving
money
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 is an important and essential practice for all ages of the population, which will provide unexpected help at some point in the future when facing any difficulties.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to your main idea. Use linking words to help guide the reader.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your opinion on saving money.
task achievement
You provide relevant reasons for saving money in your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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