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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that ther money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Doyou agree or disagree?

#millions #dollars #space #research #year #people #money #standards #earth #doyou
Nowadays, many issues cause negative in the world. A number of issues are
everyone
 spends a lot of
money
 on space research every year.
Besides
, some individual thinks that
everyone
 needs to improve their living standards from
this
money
. I disagree with the idea and will explain the reason why.
Finally
, many scientists want to explore many different things and space is one of those ideas. We can talk about the moon because it is the first planet.
Moreover
, they use the information to help other planets better. It
also
 helps
everyone
 have many jobs to work.
However
, when they do all the job, they spend a lot of
money
 because it is very difficult. I think it is a big problem
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
everyone
.
Although
everyone
can know
Wrong verb form
knows
show examples
 many adulting studies, it needs a lot of
money
 to do that. So that it will make social feel a little angry with the reason they don't have enough
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. In our nation, we have many people that were poor. They don't have a career to pay for a living. With many solutions, the government can help them to have a job. But only helps to increase qualified living that
also
 helps to have a good job and feel happier when they can do something for their life. They use
this
money
 to improve their knowledge if they couldn't study when they were a child. The government can use
this
money
 to buy equipment for many poor families.
Amount
Correct article usage
The amount
show examples
 of knowledge
,
Correct word choice
and, amount
show examples
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of good
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 will make people become better than before. in conclusion, both opinions about spending on space research or spending on improving living standards have benefits. As a reason, you should choose the ideal you feel the best.

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task response
Your essay lacks a clear position on the given topic. It is important to state whether you agree or disagree with the idea that money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear structure. Make sure to include an introduction, body paragraphs with supporting arguments, and a conclusion.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary and expressions is limited. Try to enhance your lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise language.
grammatical range
Your essay has several grammatical errors. It is important to work on your grammar to ensure clearer and more accurate sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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