IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Tourists damage many historical places, making them harder to preserve. What are some of reasons for this? Suggest some ways to resolve this problem.

#tourists #damage #places
It is a common belief that the preservation of national historical assets is a difficult issue for the government. There are a variety of possible reasons for
this
, and some steps can definitely be taken to tackle the problems. In my opinion, three main reasons are to blame for the behaviours that cause foreign visitors to harm historical places.
Firstly
, even though there are always notices or signs in front of the preserving items to avoid
people
 touching or approaching them, different languages may lead to the wrong comprehension, which causes violations by visitors.
Secondly
, the quality of the management may be too lenient or permissive, and the staff sometimes doesn’t focus on their duty to allow
people
 to break the rules.
Finally
, the misbehaviours are
also
 done by local
people
, they should be a model to set higher criteria for demonstrating the importance of their own national treasures. The Ruining behaviours can certainly be improved, I believe that the change must start with governments, who need to put more effort into advocating around museums or buildings to improve awareness of protecting aged sites.
In addition
, museums should have good cooperation with the police, and setting up some police can effectively stop
people
ignoring
Change preposition
from ignoring
show examples
 the rules. To be more specific, once the violation occurs, the police can take immediate action to demonstrate that actions have consequences.
Moreover
, the fine for overlooking the notification should be higher, a reasonable penalty is
also
 a valid way to prevent historical places from destructing. In conclusion, historical places will continue to face preservation problems unless the government, staff, and local
people
 work together to protect them.
Submitted by vincent3725416 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas. You have mentioned the possible reasons for tourists damaging historical places, but it would be stronger if you could provide specific incidents or cases to illustrate these points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear overall structure with well-defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a specific point or idea and be logically connected to the previous and following paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied and precise language to express your ideas. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. While there are no major errors, there are some instances where sentence structure and grammar could be improved to enhance the clarity and fluency of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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