IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that government should invest in wildlife projects and protect them. Other people think it is better if government invests money in other projects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #wildlife #projects #money
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There is no denying the fact that probably
wildlife
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 is a crucial thing. It is a commonly held belief that only the local
state
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 can invest in
projects
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 that protect wild animals and the environment from anything that could harm them. There is
also
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 an argument that the local
state
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 should not invest any money in that kind of project and that it is much better to invest in other
projects
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.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view, and I will express my opinion. On the one hand, it is important for the
state
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 to invest in
projects
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 that help the environment .
In other words
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, when the local
state
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 pays attention to the environment that will possibly reduce the effects of climate change.
In addition
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, not only the local
authoritie
Correct your spelling
authorities
authority
 should invest in
projects
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 that could help the
wildlife
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 but
also
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 the local civilians, it is possible to say that the local citizens have a beneficial role to play more than the
state
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 when it comes to maintaining natural life.
On the other hand
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, there are some people who disagree about investing in
wildlife
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. Their argument is mainly about there are lots of things that are more crucial and need to be invested in .
For instance
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, the health care system, or decrease in the number of births these days or an increase in crime rate, they believe that the government should focus on the previous issues before investing money in
wildlife
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. In conclusion. There is no easy answer to
this
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 question. On balance,
nevertheless
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, I tend to believe that the local authorities should focus on emergency issues first before deciding to invest in natural life
projects
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.
Submitted by sdam7843 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, particularly in the paragraph discussing why some people believe other investments are more crucial. This will strengthen your argument and provide clearer evidence for your claims.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are clearly and comprehensively explored. Occasionally, some ideas or arguments may feel somewhat general, which can dilute the impact of your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help to make your writing flow more naturally and will improve overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your arguments and understand your points.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your standpoint effectively, giving a holistic wrap-up of your points discussed within the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both views presented in the prompt and provided your opinion, which shows a balanced approach to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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