When people move to another country, some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices. Which one do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details.

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Nowadays,
culture
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is an issue
that is
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less discussed among communities. When many
people
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migrate to another
country
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, they have an attitude to pursue the new
country
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's
customs
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.
However
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, others prefer to continue their own
customs
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. there seem to be two different look-outs, which we will discuss here and reach a conclusion. A group of
people
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like to adapt themselves to the new
country
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’s costumes because they find the new traditions, noticeable. In each
country
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,
people
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have numerous
customs
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which can be stupendous for foreigners.
Furthermore
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, some
people
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prefer to follow
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customs
Correct article usage
the customs
show examples
of the new
country
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because immigrants want to align with the
country
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they are living in. They point to evidence from countries
such
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as Iran where
this
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appears to be the case, and immigrants cherish the birth of Christ as a new year.
However
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, proponents of keeping their own
customs
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, have an opinion that staying their own
customs
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is more valuable and
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
than
the follow
Wrong verb form
following
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new
customs
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.
This
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leads
people
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do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
forget
Fix the infinitive
to forget
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their
culture
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.
People
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obliged
Add a missing verb
are obliged
show examples
to know they should protect their
culture
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and perpetuate their
customs
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. Another factor is,
proponents
Correct word choice
that proponents
show examples
have an idea that
customs
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and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
culture
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should
convey
Wrong verb form
be conveyed
show examples
to the next generation. By
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this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
we mean that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
customs
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will always stay in
people
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life’s
Change the noun form
lives
life
show examples
.
Example
Add an article
An example
The example
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can be seen in, if
adolescence
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
migrate
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
another
country
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they will postulate to follow their
owm
Correct your spelling
own
customs
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. In conclusion, I would tend to side with the proponents of keeping their own
customs
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. It seems to be
logical
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a logical
the logical
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idea which is essential for generations and the
culture
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. It would
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
more negative effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
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and
culture
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to follow the
customs
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of
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
country
Use synonyms
.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear main idea and includes supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Add an introduction that clearly states your position and provides a brief overview of your main points. Also, include a conclusion that summarizes your ideas and restates your opinion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of words and phrases to express your ideas. Try to vary your vocabulary and use more specific and precise words.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Make sure your sentences are clear, accurate, and free from errors.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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