IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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On-the-job training is more trendy nowadays as it has its own benefits
such
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 as people's practical knowledge, on-site training, and many more than enrolling in just university-based learning. In my opinion, apprenticeship is vital for one's growth. On-site training's biggest advantage is exposure to the original workplace.
Additionally
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, personnel can get familiar with office culture and,
also
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 benefit from communication skills and dealing with stressful situations.
Furthermore
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, the nation should have encouraged younger children to enrol in co-op courses where they could benefit from their studies
as well as
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 they can work.
For example
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, western countries
such
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 as the USA or Canada provides a co-op plan where student can take advantage of the study and work culture in their respective country.
Besides
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, children can make some money to support their well-being again, eventually,
this
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 type of course teaches them about financial management.
On the other hand
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, traditional in-school training has its own pros and cons. Mainly, conventional studies are more focused on theoretical knowledge rather than practical understanding, and
therefore
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, some university post grades lack realistic pieces of training, where they are not aware of the culture of the workplace and they have not developed essential skills
such
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 as communication skill, time management, etc. Though they are scholars and top-notch students,
however
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, if they lack crucial business skills, no one would hire them.
For instance
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, the U.K. publisher stated that a total of 300,000 engineers passed out in one year and only 20,000 of them got real-desk jobs as they had attended on-site practical training in their study curriculum.
To conclude
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, whether it is traditional on-campus teaching with no practical understanding or a co-op schedule that includes on-site knowledge, a student needs to work hard to get their dream career.
Nevertheless
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, in my opinion, schooling with the on-site work-based schedule is the best as it is considered as a full package of a successful profession.

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Task Response
The essay does not fully address the question prompt. It mentions the benefits of work-based training but does not adequately discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the situation. Make sure to clearly state your opinion and provide balanced arguments for both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not well-organized and the logical flow of the essay is unclear. Consider structuring your essay with clear topic sentences, supporting details, and transitions between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Try to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and explore more precise word choices to enhance your writing.
Grammatical Range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Review grammar rules and proofread your essay carefully to improve your accuracy.
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