IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know it's bad for them. Why is this? What is an effective way to improve people's healthy eating habits?

#people #food #habits
Although
 most
people
 know a certain food is health-threatening and may have to negative influence on them, they would still select it as a meal. There are a variety of reasons for
this
 problem, but the government’s policies are able to change their dietary habits. There are various why
people
 still ingest the food which is not wholesome though they know it.
Firstly
,
people
 can gain plenty of happiness and fulfilment from eating junk food.
In other words
, most of the public can relieve stress by chowing down those unhealthy
foods
.
Secondly
, with the lack of wholesome awareness and hygiene
education
, most
people
 do not possess sufficient knowledge with regard to fostering eating habits.
As a result
, they may consume inappropriate
foods
 with innocent. The most effective solution to
this
 phenomenon is that the government should enhance
education
 regarding basic hygiene or the dangers of an unhealthy diet or lifestyle for the long term. So many
people
 eat unhealthy since they are ignorant of the dietary knowledge
as well as
 the influence of junk
foods
. In
this
 case, if the governments can place some special nationwide publicity campaigns,
as well as
 longer-term health
education
,
people
 may realize that on no account can we ignore the importance and immense value of cultivating a healthy diet habit.
Consequently
, it can effectively improve the awareness of dietary habits. In conclusion, despite the fact so many
people
 are accustomed to eating junk
foods
 to reduce pressure, the government can carry out some basic
education
 concerning healthy diet.
Submitted by sherry0588 on

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clarity advice
To improve clarity, ensure that sentence structures are simple and straightforward. Avoid wordiness or overly complex sentences that might obscure your main points.
task advice
Try to incorporate more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas and arguments. This will make your points stronger and more convincing.
cohesion advice
To improve cohesion, consider using linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments. This will help in maintaining a smooth flow of ideas.
introduction highlight
The essay begins with a clear introduction, stating the problem and hinting at the potential solution.
structure highlight
You have provided a logical structure to your essay, tackling reasons and solutions separately, which aids in maintaining clarity.
conclusion highlight
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the proposed solution, creating a cohesive ending.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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