People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than for their own benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
day and age, health
-related issues have become a controversial topic. While
some people
believe that taking care of our health
should only be done when it brings certain personal advantages, others claim that it should be considered as a social responsibility. From my perspective, healthcare is indeed an accountability that every citizen needs to implement to serve the country
. This
essay will provide reasons and examples for my belief.
Firstly
, the current society creates job opportunities for people
to meet their needs; thus
, being completely healthy to best perform a task is an excellent way to thank the community. For instance
, firefighters, a prestigious career which usually puts people
's lives in danger, are quite more well-paid compared to other occupations as they are asked to always be active, ready, muscular, and energetic. Since most kids look up to them and the mass appreciates their efforts, it is their responsibility to do more physical training activities to excel in their job. This
is the first reason why keeping fit should become a national compulsory task.
Secondly
, some people
still have not been fully aware of the importance of staying healthy. For example
, it is easier for us to spot a person who is eating an oily hamburger rather than one who is eating vegetables. In other words
, the masses nowadays are mostly used to following an unhealthy and unbalanced diet. What is more is that most children now have severe health
problems such
as eating disorders, obesity, or rickets due to
a lack of knowledge. As a result
, the young are not in their best condition to serve the country
. For
this
reason, if taking care of our well-being becomes a must, rather than an optional individual choice, the general health
condition of a country
might be improved greatly.
To sum up
, it is advisable that governments should consider turning healthcare into an obligatory activity. The benefits resulting from this
include instilling a sense of community in every resident, minimising the risks of dangerous illnesses, and creating a physically and mentally fit workforce to develop the country
. These are the reasons why I strongly support the belief that looking after our health
should be a social mutual obligation.Submitted by phamngoclannhu.97 on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear and coherent, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the argument. However, some transitions between paragraphs could be improved to enhance the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively introduce and summarize the main points of the essay. Well done.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported with relevant examples and explanations. However, more specific examples could be provided to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete and well-organized response to the prompt. The main arguments are clear and supported with evidence. Good job.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are clear, comprehensive, and well-developed. The argument is logical and persuasive. Well done.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples to support the main points. However, more specific and detailed examples would further strengthen the argument.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate and demonstrates a good command of the English language. Well done.
grammatical range
There are no major grammatical errors in the essay. The sentence structures are varied and effectively convey the intended meaning. Good job.