New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time.Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Today's rapidly evolving world accompanies the increasing advent of
technology
, which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
led to a shift in
children
's spare-time activities.
However
,
this
development carries both merits and demerits. In
this
essay, I will look at both sides and try to draw some conclusions.
To begin
, let's delve into the advantages of technological advancement in
children
's free time. One of the main positives of
technology
is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to more diverse and more helpful types of entertainment.
For instance
,
technology
has invented a new way of playing and learning, educational apps, in which knowledge is skillfully incorporated into fun, interactive
games
.
Such
apps include
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
essential, core subjects like mathematics and sciences to social subjects
such
as foreign languages, arts, music, etc, allowing kids to broaden their horizons much more effectively. Another benefit is the
opporunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
to practice soft skills.
For example
, role-play or
strategical
Replace the word
strategic
show examples
online
games
often require problem-solving
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, critical thinking, and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
harmonious teamwork. By frequently playing these
games
,
children
can continuously practice soft skills that are extremely practical for their future. On the flip side, one disadvantage of
technology
for
children's
Correct your spelling
children is
show examples
spare
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the uncontrollable
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
of harmful online
games
,
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
and videos. To be specific, many violent factors are currently underlying
games
for kids. These contents can lead to
children
's violence, actions out of control, disorientation, or even depression.
Secondly
, it is undeniable that the more time
children
spend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing computer
games
, the less time they could spend in joining outdoor activities.
This
negative trend can
be resulted
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
from the addictive factors of video
games
and social media
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and is one of the main contributors to kids' health degradation and obesity these days. In conclusion, the invention of advanced technologies
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
both pros and cons.
While
, what technologies can offer to
children
nowadays is, of course, essential, the detrimental effects on
children
's mental and physical health are formidable drawbacks. Personally, I believe that the evolution of
technology
is inevitable and will provide
children
with huge advantages,
however
, how
children
can use and access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these new technologies should be put under the control of adults.
Submitted by duongngocminh260801 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are addressed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide more clear transitions and connective devices between ideas.
lexical resource
Expand on the range of vocabulary and use more sophisticated expressions.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and ensure the use of complex sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: