Obesity around the word impacts two children. Give your solution.

There is no denying the fact that obesity has a significant impact on our society. It is a commonly held belief that being overweight affects children badly all over the world.
This
essay will discuss the doable solutions for it.
To begin
with, there are many settings for
this
issue.
Firstly
, we all know that obesity is harmful not just to kids but
also
to their community.
In other words
, it reduces kids' confidence and fills them with shamaness for their body life.
Additionally
, every person should bear the weight and take responsible steps to tackle
this
problem.
For example
, the government should encourage huge institutions especially educational ones to share people's stories and improve their environment to talk more about
this
thing. Another point to consider is that people's lifestyle
,
Remove the comma
apply
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plays a big part in their children's fitness. It is
also
possible to say that starting to use bicycles and spending more hours outside your home with your kids, will give them remarkable memories and could lead them to change their view about their bodies.
Moreover
, when the government decrease the organic food's price,
this
will give all the citizens, the opportunity to start the healthy lifestyle that they desire.
For instance
,
korea
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Korea
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has
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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massive street shops
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
provide multiple choices of vegetables
on
Change preposition
for
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their meals, and
uplifting
Wrong verb form
uplift
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them to match young
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
type. In conclusion, I believe that children are our message in
this
life, so we should take serious steps toward them,
Although
I have mentioned only two ways, there are many more.
Submitted by rayan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Provide a concise and effective introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support the points made.
task achievement
Ensure that the response addresses all aspects of the task and provides a clear opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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