IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people no longer read newspaper or watch TV programs to get news. They get news about the world through the internet. Is this positve or negative development?

#people #newspaper #tv #programs #news #world #internet #positve #development
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It is argued that an increasing number of
individuals
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 are aware of
news
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 through the
Internet
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, and stopped reading newspapers or watching TV programs.
This
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 essay will argue that
this
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 is a totally positive development because the
Internet
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 is quicker, gives more details and will directly recommend important
news
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. On television,
news
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 is announced in different programs, and only one program can be watched at a time, so
individuals
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 can’t find information about other
news
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.
Also
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, in newspapers, there are only small spaces for each type of
news
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, so there is only little detail about what happened. On the
Internet
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,
people
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 are able to look for
news
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 that they are interested in, there are many websites that have different areas for a variety of
news
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 with detailed information, so
individuals
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 can choose the area they want and get updated
news
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 quickly.
For instance
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, BBC
News
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 has an index with lots of
news
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 from different sectors, where
people
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 can watch easily all types of
news
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. The
Internet
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 and applications have a technology that will directly recommend important or urgent
news
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 about what has happened.
This
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 is because sometimes the
news
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 is linked to other
news
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, and maybe
people
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 did not watch it before,
then
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, the
Internet
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 will create a page with
news
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 related to what
individuals
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 are reading, so they can understand the whole
case
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.
Also
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, sometimes, there are different writers who wrote about the same
case
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, so more points of view are shown, and readers can see the
case
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 from different perspectives.
For example
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, in
news
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 about war, there are
people
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 on different sides, so they will write the
news
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 supporting their view, so watching both sides will allow
people
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 to better understand the
case
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. In conclusion, the
Internet
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 allows
people
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 to read
news
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 faster and easier and understand the whole situation, I,
therefore
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, believe that watching
news
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 on the
Internet
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 is a positive development.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you fully address all aspects of the question prompt. In this essay, you have clearly discussed the positive aspects of getting news through the internet. Well done!
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented. However, in some paragraphs, you could further develop your main points and provide more supporting evidence.
lexical resource
Continue to expand your range of vocabulary and use appropriate academic language. Your essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary, but there is still room for improvement. Aim to use more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance your arguments.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. Your essay has a good range of grammatical structures, but there are a few instances where incorrect grammar or awkward sentence construction can be improved.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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