IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People are surrounded by many kinds of advertising which can influence their life. Do the positive effects of this trend outweigh negative effects?

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It is argued that there are many types of announcements that affect individuals’ lives.
This
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 essay will argue that advertising has completely negative effects because makes
people
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 waste their money and causes health problems. The aim of publicity is to sell the products of the companies, so they will make the product as if it is something really special, so all individuals should buy it. There are
people
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 who even though they do not need the product, but because of how the advertisement describes it, they decide to buy it, causing unnecessary waste.
This
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 causes
people
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 not to save money for future events, and if something unexpected happens they do have not the financial resources to solve it. Recent research concluded that around 90% of
people
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 between 18 and 50 years old are affected by publicities and have bought products that they don’t need at all. Companies use many different ways to persuade consumers to buy their products, and one of those ways is to undervalue
people
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 and make them feel that without their product they are inferior, they are unhappy.
This
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, in the long-term, will cause
people
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 to doubt if what the publicity says is true or not, causing mental problems. A recent research found that many
people
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 started to have low self-esteem after watching several announcements telling them that they weren’t good enough. In conclusion, publicity causes
people
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 to have a worse economic situation and
also
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 can cause consumers to doubt themselves, I,
therefore
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, believe that advertisement has bad effects.

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task response
While your essay addresses the prompt by discussing the negative effects of advertising, you should also consider the positive effects and analyze whether they outweigh the negative effects.
task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear structure and organization. Make sure to include an introduction that presents the main points you will discuss and a conclusion that sums up your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks coherence and cohesion. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific idea and use transitional phrases to connect your ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively. Avoid repetitive language and try to introduce more advanced vocabulary.
grammatical range
Work on improving your grammatical range. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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