Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A group of people believe that growing old in the modern era is not a good idea,

whereas

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others think the opposite.

While

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both beliefs have their own justified reasons, in my opinion with the outcome of technology, there are more benefits for the elderly than in the past, On the one hand, it could be more difficult for the elderly to keep up with the changes in

this

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ever-changing world. As an example, every year a new mobile phone is launched with new features and applications that make life a little easier. These new features sometimes are difficult to comprehend for older people as they do not understand how they function

thus

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adding more stress to their lives

instead

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of making it easier.

Whereas

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, in the past things were not that difficult to understand as there were fewer inventions created.

On the other hand

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, technology has made it possible for older people to live a more plentiful life.

For instance

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, back

then

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when adults reached a certain age, they were confined to their houses because of the illnesses that compromised their health. But, in the modern world, there are more ways to treat diseases, which has caused the average living rate to increase by up to 85 years.

For example

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, cures have been found for some types of cancers, making it possible to survive

this

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terrible disease, which was impossible 100 years ago. In conclusion,

while

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there certainly are drawbacks to living in the new era for the elderly, the improvement in their

overall

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health is much more important than not understanding how technology works.

For

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this

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reason, I think is better for the elderly to live in the modernized world than what it was in the past.

lily.pdr15Thu Nov 02 2023

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coherence cohesion

Your essay is logically structured, with clear transitions between sentences. However, you could work on developing your arguments further to provide more in-depth analysis of the topic.

task achievement

You offered a complete response to the task, with clear and comprehensive ideas. However, strive to provide more detailed and relevant examples to substantiate your points.

lexical resource

You demonstrated an excellent lexical resource, with a wide range of vocabulary and phrases. Continue to expand your vocabulary to articulate your ideas more effectively.

grammatical range

You showcased a broad range of grammatical structures, with accurate usage in most instances. Remember to proofread your work to avoid minor errors and enhance your grammatical range.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

elderly
modern world
decline
physical
mental health
diseases
disabilities
social isolation
loneliness
access
healthcare
medications
lifelong learning
personal growth
social support
community engagement
positive aspects
negative aspects

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Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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