IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #schools #student #behaviour
The
behaviour
 of
students
 in schools around the world is said to be worsening. The root cause for
this
 is the lack of
discipline
 at
home
. Yet it can be solved by governments forcing
parents
 to take responsibility for their
children
. The principal cause of behavioural problems at school is poor
discipline
 at
home
. It must be recognised that
parents
 lack authority at
home
, either
due to
 not caring or being too busy at work.
Consequently
, their
children
 are rebellious at school and do not follow the rules and regulations. In turn, teachers are expected to take an authoritative approach towards
students
 without any power, and
students
 know
this
.
This
 is true in many European countries, where, behavioural problems are worsening, but teachers will get fired should they be disciplined in any way.
However
, a solution can be found in the government's actions towards parental skills. The most effective approach is for
parents
 to sign a legal contract forcing them to be responsible for their
children
's
behaviour
. If they break
this
 contract,
parents
 either get a fine or worst case, a criminal record.
As a result
, schools see
discipline
 starting at
home
, leading to improved classroom
behaviour
. Take the UK as an example here, where
parents
 are fined or have their
children
 taken away from them based on the
behaviour
 of both parent and child.
Therefore
, poor student stems from
parents
 lacking
discipline
 at
home
.
Nevertheless
, forcing
parents
 to be accountable for their
children
 will improve
students
's
behaviour
 at school.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are clear, the essay would benefit from further developing the main points, especially in explaining the correlation between parental discipline and student behavior in more detail.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide more detailed and varied examples. Also, discussing additional causes and exploring more varied solutions could provide a more thorough response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining clarity throughout the essay.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, and your argument is easy to follow, which is a strong point in maintaining reader engagement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!