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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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The
behaviour
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in schools around the world is said to be worsening. The root cause for
this
Linking Words
 is the lack of
discipline
Use synonyms
 at
home
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. Yet it can be solved by governments forcing
parents
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 to take responsibility for their
children
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. The principal cause of behavioural problems at school is poor
discipline
Use synonyms
 at
home
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. It must be recognised that
parents
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 lack authority at
home
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, either
due to
Linking Words
 not caring or being too busy at work.
Consequently
Linking Words
, their
children
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 are rebellious at school and do not follow the rules and regulations. In turn, teachers are expected to take an authoritative approach towards
students
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 without any power, and
students
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 know
this
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.
This
Linking Words
 is true in many European countries, where, behavioural problems are worsening, but teachers will get fired should they be disciplined in any way.
However
Linking Words
, a solution can be found in the government's actions towards parental skills. The most effective approach is for
parents
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 to sign a legal contract forcing them to be responsible for their
children
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's
behaviour
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. If they break
this
Linking Words
 contract,
parents
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 either get a fine or worst case, a criminal record.
As a result
Linking Words
, schools see
discipline
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 starting at
home
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, leading to improved classroom
behaviour
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. Take the UK as an example here, where
parents
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 are fined or have their
children
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 taken away from them based on the
behaviour
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 of both parent and child.
Therefore
Linking Words
, poor student stems from
parents
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 lacking
discipline
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 at
home
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, forcing
parents
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 to be accountable for their
children
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 will improve
students
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's
behaviour
Use synonyms
 at school.

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coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are clear, the essay would benefit from further developing the main points, especially in explaining the correlation between parental discipline and student behavior in more detail.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide more detailed and varied examples. Also, discussing additional causes and exploring more varied solutions could provide a more thorough response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining clarity throughout the essay.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, and your argument is easy to follow, which is a strong point in maintaining reader engagement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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