IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Governments should spend more money on medical research and less on researching the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #research #environment
In our increasingly globalized
world
,
countries
 are increasingly placing emphasis on scientific
research
, especially in the fields of medicine and the environment. Governments around the
world
 are recognizing the need to take responsibility for advancing knowledge to benefit their populations, whether
that is
 through medical breakthroughs that enhance
lives
 and fight disease. disease or environmental
research
 to find solutions and raise
awareness
. Nowadays, in a globalized
world
 , many
countries
 focus on researching the medical.
the Government
Correct your spelling
The government
show examples
 need to
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
, they will be driven by the need to make advances in knowledge that improve the
lives
 of their
people
 and
prevented
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
 diseases. So,
this
 will help improve
people
's
lives
.
For example
,In Finland,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
fund
Correct subject-verb agreement
funds
show examples
 scientific
research
 on drugs that can cure incurable diseases.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, drug
research
 will cost more than environmental
research
.
Second,
many authorities in developed
countries
 believe that environmental
research
 will help find solutions and raise
people
's
awareness
.
However
,
people
's
awareness
also
 plays an important role.In Singapore, they focus on education about environmental overprotection for youth,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 plays a role in raising
awareness
 among the
people
.
Although
, the
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of
countries
which is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
investing
research
Change preposition
in research
show examples
 environment
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it is not effective. In a globalized
world
, the choices governments make in allocating resources between health and environmental
research
 reflect their commitment to improving
people
's
lives
.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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task response
Provide a stronger stance in the introduction and conclusion by clearly stating your agreement or disagreement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a specific idea and that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your use of academic vocabulary and vary your word choice.
grammatical range
Use a wider range of sentence structures and ensure accuracy in grammar and punctuation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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