IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In many countries, prison is the solution to the problem of crime. However, another effective way is to provide people with better education so that they will not become criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In several nations, imprisonment is a better solution to curb crimes, but some suggest the need for education to prevent the public from committing unlawful acts. I partially support
this
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 proposal. On the one hand, I am convinced that if people are well-educated, they finished high school or acquired a university degree, they are unlikely to resort to crime to support themselves and their families.
Instead
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, with a degree and relevant experience, they have more chances to be hired in a regular job and gain a stable income. Contrarily, ill-educated people cannot meet the requirements set by employers, so they cannot find jobs. In the end, they become jobless and,
thereafter
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, turn into criminals.
Thus
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, if high-quality cultivation is provided, there will be no offenders or only fewer.
On the other hand
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, I
also
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 cannot deny that some people are highly educated but still become outlaws, which means incarceration, not education, is needed.
For example
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,
although
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 it is admissible that some illiterates become criminals, statistics show that the affluent are more likely to commit grave crimes deserving of internment
such
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 as those who engage in security and corporate fraud, embezzlement, and money laundering. They do not need to be educated as they already are, which is why they are capable of committing
this
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 lawlessness. They need to be sent to jail to understand the consequences of their crimes, which will serve as deterrents for novice criminals and recidivists. In conclusion, I partly agree that quality education is needed to discourage unlawful behaviours.
This
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 is because it does not make sense to educate individuals who are already educated. A strong method of punishment and deterrence like imprisonment is needed.

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task response
Ensure that every point made in the essay directly addresses the question prompt. Some developed points are not entirely relevant to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is generally clear, but transitions between some points could be smoother. Try to ensure that each paragraph flows naturally from the previous one.
lexical resource
Utilize a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and vividly. Also, try to avoid repeating the same words or phrases too often within the essay.
grammatical range
Diversify sentence structures by incorporating complex and compound sentences to demonstrate a broader range of grammatical structures.
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