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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that hard work and determination are the main requirements to become successful in life, while others say there are other factors lead to success. Discuss both vies and give your opinion.

#people #work #determination #requirements #life #factors #success
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Working consistently to build a successful career is an important aspect of every individual's
life
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. People think that if they
work
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 hard with full determination, they will build their careers
whereas
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 other public believe that there are other aspects that are more crucial.
This
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 essay will discuss the factors that are more vital that lead to triumph. The feeling of achieving success after working hard with dedication is worth it.
To begin
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 with, there are the majority of people who
work
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 overtime to complete the task. They think working consistently will help them to set a pathway towards bright and successful careers.
Moreover
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, they invest their efforts in search of positive outcomes. Hard
work
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 and determination are the baby steps to set a pathway for an independent
life
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. There are several other factors required that lead to success.
Firstly
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, time management is the most important factor. Proper timing is required between
work
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life
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 and personal
life
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.
Secondly
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, a healthy lifestyle helps to stay active. It means eating a high-protein diet, proper sleep, and time to spend with family and friends after working hours to divert the mind.
Lastly
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, mental peace is crucial because it helps to stay calm and mentally fit. People believe that meditation helps to stay calm. These factors are important and help an individual to become successful. To put it in a nutshell, I would like to say that hard
work
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 and determination are the basic components that
helps
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help
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 in the process of setting a bright future,
however
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, time management, a healthy lifestyle, and mental peace are the most important. I believe
this
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 aspect can help an individual to stay active and victorious in
life
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.
Submitted by lakshaybhatia1350 on

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Task Response
Ensure that your essay fully responds to the given task prompt. In this case, the prompt asks you to discuss both views and give your opinion. While you have discussed the factors other than hard work and determination that lead to success, you have not clearly presented the opposing view. Make sure to address all aspects of the prompt in your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good overall coherence and cohesion. Your ideas are presented logically and coherently throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in terms of supporting your main points with relevant examples. Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Lexical Resource
You have used a range of vocabulary effectively, which is commendable. However, to further enhance your lexical resource, try to incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. This can help you express your ideas more precisely and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Grammatical Range
Your grammar usage is generally accurate, with only minor errors. To improve your grammatical range, aim to use a wider variety of sentence structures and complex grammar constructions. This can add more complexity and sophistication to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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