Some people believe that hard work and determination are the main requirements to become successful in life, while others say there are other factors lead to success. Discuss both vies and give your opinion.

#people #work #determination #requirements #life #factors #success

Working consistently to build a successful career is an important aspect of every individual's

life

. People think that if they

work

hard with full determination, they will build their careers

whereas

other public believe that there are other aspects that are more crucial.

This

essay will discuss the factors that are more vital that lead to triumph. The feeling of achieving success after working hard with dedication is worth it.

To begin

with, there are the majority of people who

work

overtime to complete the task. They think working consistently will help them to set a pathway towards bright and successful careers.

Moreover

, they invest their efforts in search of positive outcomes. Hard

work

and determination are the baby steps to set a pathway for an independent

life

. There are several other factors required that lead to success.

Firstly

, time management is the most important factor. Proper timing is required between

work

life

and personal

life

Secondly

, a healthy lifestyle helps to stay active. It means eating a high-protein diet, proper sleep, and time to spend with family and friends after working hours to divert the mind.

Lastly

, mental peace is crucial because it helps to stay calm and mentally fit. People believe that meditation helps to stay calm. These factors are important and help an individual to become successful. To put it in a nutshell, I would like to say that hard

work

and determination are the basic components that

helps

Change the verb form

help

show examples

in the process of setting a bright future,

however

, time management, a healthy lifestyle, and mental peace are the most important. I believe

this

aspect can help an individual to stay active and victorious in

life

Submitted by lakshaybhatia1350 on Fri Nov 03 2023

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Task Response

Ensure that your essay fully responds to the given task prompt. In this case, the prompt asks you to discuss both views and give your opinion. While you have discussed the factors other than hard work and determination that lead to success, you have not clearly presented the opposing view. Make sure to address all aspects of the prompt in your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay demonstrates good overall coherence and cohesion. Your ideas are presented logically and coherently throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in terms of supporting your main points with relevant examples. Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.

Lexical Resource

You have used a range of vocabulary effectively, which is commendable. However, to further enhance your lexical resource, try to incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. This can help you express your ideas more precisely and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Grammatical Range

Your grammar usage is generally accurate, with only minor errors. To improve your grammatical range, aim to use a wider variety of sentence structures and complex grammar constructions. This can add more complexity and sophistication to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that hard work and determination are the main requirements to become successful in life, while others say there are other factors lead to success. Discuss both vies and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Personal experiences in community service and/or involvement

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and intrests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this infomation may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.