Some people say the government should give healthcare the first priority, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend taxer’s money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Whether giving the first priority to the citizens' s
healthcare
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from the government has sparked much debate. Some people assert that it is more crucial to spend more other than healthy area. Personally, I am in favour of equally investing in different areas, contributing to balanced society development.
To begin
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with,
healthcare
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plays an important role in the citizens' daily lives, since people will inevitably suffer from illnesses. To relieve
this
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situation, the authority needs to invest in medical resources, like public hospitals and medical professionals, to support and maintain individuals' physical well-being. Keeping the individuals healthy is crucial
,
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because good health is the foundation of their lives.
As a result
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, it is reasonable that spending taxpayer's money on
this
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field.
On the other hand
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, other parts of the people's lives are indispensable ,
such
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as education
,
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infrastructures. To clarify, education is the key to a nation's future. By funding the schools and universities, the government will foster skilled workers who will boost the economy to thrive.
Moreover
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, spending taxer'money on establishing basic buildings like public transportation, parks will create more job opportunities and improve the
overall
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quality of life. Without these developments, a country can not thrive, even if its citizens are completely healthy. In conclusion,
while
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healthcare
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is undeniably vital for public well-being, I believe that it ought not to be a priority over other critical areas. The authority should allocate its budget evenly to maintain a balance between
healthcare
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, education, and infrastructure, ensuring the comprehensive development of the society.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about health and also other fields, but the side about giving health first place needs a bit more detail.
task response
Give clearer examples. Your points are good, but they are mostly general. Add one simple real example for health, school, or transport.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from the start and keep the same idea in all parts.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. To improve, make the first sentence of each body paragraph more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. You use words like 'To begin with' and 'On the other hand' well, but some sentences do not connect very naturally.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with one more sentence of explanation so the paragraph feels fuller and stronger.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion, so you answer the task.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to follow: health, education, and infrastructure.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall order and is not hard to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • first priority
  • public healthcare
  • tax money
  • save lives
  • medical care
  • public hospital
  • basic service
  • good health
  • prevent disease
  • early treatment
  • long-term cost
  • quality of life
  • equal access
  • low-income families
  • public spending
  • limited budget
  • social welfare
  • public safety
  • transport system
  • in my opinion
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