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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about the most common sports played in the UK in 2008

The chart below gives information about the most common sports played in the UK in 2008
#information #sports #uk
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The chart illustrates the gender-based participation
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sports in the United Kingdom in 2008. It's clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 notable
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 in
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 preferences between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, as data shows that soccer
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
top
Add an article
a top
the top
show examples
 choice for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in 2008,
while
Linking Words
 netball
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
women
Use synonyms
's
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 sport. Soccer records
participation
Correct article usage
the participation
show examples
 rate of
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 at nearly 25%, but a mere 5% of
women
Use synonyms
 show interest.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 25% of
women
Use synonyms
 participated
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 netball,
while
Linking Words
 men had almost zero interest. Swimming had 23% of female participants and less male
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 engaged in at around 13%. Tennis and basketball shared the same proportion
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
each attracting
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 8%
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each gender. Jogging,
however
Linking Words
, had
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 differences between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 genders and
women
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
were more
show examples
 interested with
participation
Add an article
a participation
show examples
 rate of 4%. Table tennis gained nearly 9% male participants and conducted less female
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
. Cricket shows significant
divergent
Replace the word
divergence
show examples
 among the gender preference, with 10% of female participants and less than 2% of men engaged.
In addition
Linking Words
, other sports
also
Linking Words
 had popularity among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 engagement rate of 20% and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 at 10%.
Submitted by matcha on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, player with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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