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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below shows the salaries of secondary/high school teachers in 2009.

The table below shows the salaries of secondary/high school teachers in 2009.
The table demonstrated the wages of
teachers
Use synonyms
 in high
school
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
five
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countries
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 in 2009.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Luxembourg
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 shows the highest when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia is the
lowerest
Correct your spelling
lowest
show examples
. For the time to reach the maximum salary,
Japan
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 and
Denmark
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takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 the largest and smallest numbers of
years
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 respectively among the
five
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countries
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. Concerning the amount of money, high
school
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teachers
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 in
Luxembourg
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 receive more than other
countries
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 for both starting and 15
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 after.The
teachers
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 there receive 80000
dollars
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 since they work in secondary
school
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 and it turns to 119000
dollars
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 after 15
years
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. It
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased by around 49%. For the second
hightest
Correct your spelling
highest
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
,
Denmark
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,
teachers
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 start with receiving 45000
dollars
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. They will
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 54000 after 15
years
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. The percentage increased is about 20%. For the Asian
countries
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, the amount of
salaries
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 in
Japan
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 and Korea are close. In
Japan
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, the
salaries
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 of secondary
school
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teachers
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
nearly doubled when they
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 34000
dollars
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 at the beginning and 65000
dollars
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 after 15
years
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. In Korea,
teachers
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starts
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 with 30000
dollars
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Use synonyms
salaries
Change preposition
in salaries
show examples
, which is slightly lower than that of
Japan
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. It increases
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 60% to 48000
dollars
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 after 15
years
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. For the
lowerest
Correct your spelling
lowest
show examples
salaries
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 country, Australia only starts with 28000
dollars
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 from the beginning.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
secondary
school
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teachers
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 can receive 48000
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 after 15
years
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. The increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 percentage is around 70%. It shows that the wages of secondary
school
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teachers
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 in most of these
five
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countries
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 increase
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 more than 50% after 15
years
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, except
Denmark
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, only 20%.Meanwhile,among these
five
Use synonyms
countries
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,
teachers
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 in
Luxembourg
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 paid the highest
when
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the Australia paid the
lowerest
Correct your spelling
lowest
show examples
. As for the number of
years
Use synonyms
 needed to attain the maximum salary,
Japan
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 and
Denmark
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takes
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the largest and smallest numbers of
years
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 respectively among
Use synonyms
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
countries
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. Secondary
school
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teachers
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 in
Luxembourg
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,
Japan
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 and Korea reach it around 30 to 40
years
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. It takes the longest time for
teachers
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 in
Japan
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. It requires 37
years
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.
Austrlia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 and
Denmark
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takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 about 10
years
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,
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
Denmark
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 only requires 8
years
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.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words teachers, school, five, countries, luxembourg, japan, denmark, years, dollars, salaries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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