Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development

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To start with, it is true that nowadays it is becoming more frequent for sick people to avoid going to their doctor and try alternative methods and treatments. I believe

this

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action is highly dangerous, as normal people are not qualified to medicate themselves and in some cases, it could be fatal.

Firstly

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, ill patients often look for solutions on the net. There, you can find real help published by professionals which can help cure them, unfortunately, there are tons of fake news. You can search for any solution from a headache,to cancer and still be able to find any kind of pseudo-cure that you can think of and

consequently

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, worsen your health.

For instance

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, a study conducted by the University of York in 2020, found that 20% of the so-called cures on the web are fake or not proven.

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, the doctors are there to help us when we are sick. It means that they are professionals, they have studied for a long time, and have enough experience and resources to treat us. Medicine is evolving, and fortunately, we possess new machines and treatments that are already proven for our welfare.

For example

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, an article from the Medical New York Post showed that an average person with a hard headache, and without knowledge of medicine, takes painkillers 95 per cent of the time without consulting any doctor and 3 per cent of them have fatal consequences.

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, I wholeheartedly criticize the fact that those who start healing themselves

instead

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of consulting a doctor.

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is because the doctors are already professionals and know the right ways of treating you and

then

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also

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it is dangerous looking for solutions on the internet where you can find whatever.

Submitted by santos_dij on Fri Nov 03 2023

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Task Achievement

You need to provide a more balanced view and consider both the positive and negative aspects of this trend. Your essay mainly focuses on the negative consequences and does not acknowledge any potential benefits of alternative medicines and treatments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure. Consider using topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and ensure that your ideas are logically organized.

Lexical Resource

Your vocabulary is adequate, but you could improve by using more academic and varied language. Additionally, be cautious of using informal language such as 'ton of fake news' which may affect the overall tone of your essay.

Grammatical Range

There are several grammatical errors throughout your essay. Make sure to review and edit your work for proper grammar usage.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

288 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

alternative medicines
treatments
positive development
negative development
health problems
usual doctor
access
personalized approach
holistic well-being
lack of regulation
evidence-based research
proper medical treatment

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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some feel that cities should be designed to be beautiful while others feel their functionality is more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it