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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012

The graph below shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012
#boys #girls #sport #english #town
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The provided chart reflects the percentage of females and males playing sports in one town in the United Kingdom in the year
of
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2012.
This
Linking Words
 given bar chart manifests six different types of sport: tennis,
football
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, badminton, cycling,
hockey
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, and swimming.
Overall
Linking Words
, after a thorough analysis of the provided bar chart, it can be plainly viewed that
while
Linking Words
football
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 was the most popular sport among boys, swimming was
favored
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favoured
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 by girls in that English town.
However
Linking Words
,
hockey
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 was the least popular sport among both genders. In the beginning, concerning males,
whereas
Linking Words
 the percentage of playing
football
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 recorded 60
percent
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per cent
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 as the most famous game,
hockey
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 registered the lowest proportion ( slightly less than 20%).
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the given data, it can be seen that the proportions of cycling,
as well as
Linking Words
, swimming were approximately the same ( around 38% and 42%, respectively).
In addition
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 to that tennis, which scored 50%, was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place as the most common game in 2012.
Moreover
Linking Words
, regarding the females, in comparison with the percentage of swimming, which was 50%, the proportion of
hockey
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game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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 was the lowest ( hit 10%).
Additionally
Linking Words
,both
football
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 and cycling recorded 20%, simultaneously.
Finally
Linking Words
, it is worth
to
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noticing that badminton scored 40%, followed by tennis which was just below 40% in that year.
Submitted by Drfatima.Abdullah on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words football, hockey with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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