Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Many believe that being elderly nowadays is completely bad,
while
others believe that life
as an elder is much better than before. Both beliefs are correct to some degree, this
essay will tackle reasons as to why people stand for this
statement and will ultimately choose which one holds more relevance.
On the one hand, some people believe that being old nowadays is totally bad, and it can be attributed to the lack of familiarity with scientific gadgets, as a result
of rapidly changing technology. For example
, many elderly have problems using the latest generation phone and usually need an explanation from someone to use it correctly. Pair that, with the fact that new applications and software updates are released all the time, as a result
, changing the little to no knowledge they had about the operative system of their phone.
On the other hand
, old people nowadays have huge benefits from scientific and health development, that includes, things like having cures for diseases that previously didn't have one, consequently
lowering mortality rate in their age group and overall
increasing life
expectancy. To put an example, a study published by the NEJM (New England Journal of Medicine), showed that diseases that were untreatable before and resulted in fatal outcomes, including tuberculosis and different types of cancers nowadays can be cured. And as a result
, life
expectancy has peaked at 100 years compared to 70 years in 2015.
In conclusion, being elderly nowadays has its benefits and downsides. But, an increase in life
expectancy and overall
health are the most remarkable aspects of present-day changes, in comparison to being unfamiliarized
with the latest technological gadgets.Replace the word
unfamiliar
Submitted by f.leyton.a on
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task response
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the given task. It discusses both views regarding whether being old in the modern world is entirely bad or better than in the past. Furthermore, it offers a conclusion that reflects the writer's own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good logical structure overall. The paragraphs are well-organized, and the ideas flow smoothly. However, there is room for improvement in terms of supporting the main points more effectively throughout the essay.
lexical resource
The essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary, using a variety of words and phrases to express ideas. However, some sentences could be improved by using more precise and specific vocabulary.
grammatical range
The essay showcases a solid grasp of grammar, with accurate sentence structures and appropriate verb tenses. However, there are a few instances where sentence structures could be varied to enhance the overall writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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