IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

task 2: Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #teenagers #focus #subjects
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One school of thought holds that youngsters should divide their attention equally into all
subjects
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,
while
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 others think that they should focus on the subject which boosts their interests and their talents.
This
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 essay will analyze both stances before concluding that I agree with the latter. ​On the one hand, there are good grounds for the belief that students should learn all
subjects
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 equally. The first reason is the aim to equip students an universal knowledge in almost every aspect of life ranging from cultural
subjects
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 to logical ones. Especially in
this
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 modernized area, where people have opportunities to be employed in international businesses or to live in another country, students must have a comprehensive mindset to minimize the ability of culture shocks when integrating into new cultures. Aside from that, focusing on all
subjects
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 helps to improve both physical well-being through gymnastic
subjects
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 and arrangement skills to maintain high performance
due to
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 workloads.
This
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 means to ensure teenagers' rounded growth process. ​
On the other hand
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, I align with those who advocate the idea of adolescent’s self-designing
subjects
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 based on their concerns. Appropriate
subjects
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 mean less workload, allowing teens to participate in more extracurricular activities and avoiding mental issues that steer them from coping with too many
subjects
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. It was,
for instance
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, a heart-breaking case in Nguyen Khuyen Private School campus 3B in HCM city where a 10-grader chose to be suicidal from the school’s third floor owing to academic pressure.
Besides
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, if juveniles can decide what to learn themselves, they might have a sense of self in learning these
subjects
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 with enjoyment
as well as
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 ambitious investigations.
This
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,
thus
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, serves as a sufficient way to consider what kind of fields they are interested in before stepping into university. In conclusion,
while
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 there are justifications behind the belief that the young should concentrate on all
subjects
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, I would contend that those should pay attention to interesting
subjects
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 themselves.
Submitted by mylinhlee27 on

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clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that your ideas are presented as clearly as possible. Simplify sentences where necessary to avoid ambiguity. Further elaborate on some points to make them more comprehensive.
logical structure
Work on transitioning between ideas in a more fluid manner to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
complete response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument very effectively, maintaining a balanced viewpoint throughout.
introduction conclusion present
Strong conclusion that effectively summarizes the essay and answers the question posed.
relevant specific examples
Examples such as the case of the Nguyen Khuyen School are relevant and clarify the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • interdisciplinary
  • well-rounded knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • passion-driven learning
  • unforeseen future demands
  • balanced approach
  • academic strengths
  • diversified education
  • curriculum breadth
  • specialization
  • career prospects
  • personal development
  • cognitive flexibility
  • adaptability
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