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Writing Samples /
Band 7

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country
The pie charts
are given
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 information about the percentage of
time
 mature
people
 spent their
time
 on several activities in some countries in the years 1958 and 2008.
Overall
, it is clearly seen most
people
 in 1958 most likely spent their activities working and sleeping,
while
 in 2008
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar things occurred though in different proportions of percentage.
To begin
 with, in 1958 folks spared their almost half a day into two things, which are working (33%) and sleeping (32%).
Besides
, they hang out with friends or family though not frequently, only 19%.
Moreover
, relaxing at home,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to work, and doing sports were below 10%, which can be said not
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the priority for some
people
.
Move
Wrong verb form
Moving
show examples
 to 2008, adults still gave their priority
time
 to working and sleeping.
Nevertheless
, there is a significant increase in the working percentage, which is up to 42%
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 previously, yet the sleeping
time
 decreases to 25%
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 the previous one.
Furthermore
, there is a specific rise in the number of
people
 relaxing at home
as well as
 doing exercise
although
 hanging out
time
 proportionally is getting lower to 6%.
Submitted by zefanyagyu on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼

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