IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#twenty #years #cars #support
It is
widespread
Add an article
a widespread
the widespread
show examples
 belief that in the modern era in a
twenty year
Add a hyphen
twenty-year
show examples
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the amount of vehicles will have decreased.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is possible
due to
 the government policies
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
being provided,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 possibility of
this
 event is really small and in his essay I will try to justify the trend. First and foremost, it is a real fact that the amount of cars
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
being produced nowadays is
absolutelly
Correct your spelling
absolutely
 enormous
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 there is a common misconception that factories which
produced
Wrong verb form
produce
show examples
 cars can be stopped
due to
 the the theory of the Big World Conspiracy. Another fact supporting
this
 idea is that the consumption of developing countries
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been growing day after day. Nowadays, the top cutting-edge
conuntries
Correct your spelling
countries
 do not know how to solve
this
 problem.
On the other hand
, many argue that it is possible.
Initially
, people have to start
bying
Correct your spelling
buying
being
 much more less cars. To take a more direct approach the Sultan of
Brunnei
Correct your spelling
Brunei
 has a real park with many kinds of machines, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
counted approximately seven hundred products and it has been growing so far.
Moreover
, the one of effective ways to tackle
this
 issue is developing public transport and popularised cycling,
jogging
Correct word choice
and jogging
show examples
. The perfect example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 is
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
, where one average citizen has almost three bicycles. In conclusion, the result of decreasing or increasing
does depend
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
 on
policy
Add an article
the policy
a policy
show examples
 which
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 will choose in the
nearest
Correct word choice
near
show examples
 future.
However
, humans have to take active participation in
such
 processes. It is only our
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 which future we would choose.
Submitted by roker123456 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear and direct response to the given prompt. You should clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement and provide specific reasons and examples to support your position.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a weak logical structure. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be properly linked to the topic sentence and other paragraphs.
lexical resource
Your essay lacks clear and varied vocabulary. You should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary to convey your ideas and opinions effectively.
grammatical range
Your essay has several grammatical errors. You need to work on improving your sentence structure, verb tenses, and word forms.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: