In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
It is true that
people
in many nations, more and more people
are relocating to a new location far from their close ones to pursue their career
. While
there are some positive aspects of this
trend, I believe that overall
the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
On the one hand, there are two clear advantages of finding jobs away from people
’s hometowns. Firstly
, moving to a new location might allow people
to have a wider variety of jobs and a better career
prospect. For example
, large corporations are mostly located in the capital, so people
from the countryside will need to relocate if they would like to work there. Secondly
, a chance to earn a better salary is also
one of the crucial factors encouraging people
to move away from their friends and families. People
find jobs to earn money so they can use it for their own purposes, so the higher the income the job is, the more attracted they will be.
On the other hand
, moving to an unfamiliar place can have a negative impact on people
’s mental health. When relocating to a new location, especially to a new country, job seekers might have to face culture shock, which can heavily impact their mind and their ability to work. In addition
, the enormous pressure from work and a lack of support from people
close to them will lead to stress and feelings of loneliness. For example
, the suicide rates in South Korea and Japan are increasing at an alarming rate due to
excessive workload.
In conclusion, it is clear that
there are undeniable drawbacks to people
’s mental health when moving away from their friends and families to find a career
. However
, having a better career
prospect and a higher income would be enough to outweigh the disadvantages.Submitted by ramenosko on
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task achievement
Consider further developing your arguments with more specific examples to strengthen your points. This will provide a more comprehensive understanding for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and sentence structure to ensure clarity and precision in your writing.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded discussion on both the advantages and disadvantages of relocating for work, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow your arguments.