IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some feel governments, rather than private companies, should be in charge of medical services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that medical
services
Use synonyms
 can be a debatable subject. It is a commonly held belief that some individuals think that medical
services
Use synonyms
 should be in charge by governments and not by private companies. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is a fundamental human right which suggests that it is the government's responsibility to provide medical
services
Use synonyms
 to all citizens.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, government-run
healthcare
Use synonyms
 systems can leverage economies of scale to negotiate better prices for medication and
healthcare
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will potentially lead to lower
overall
Linking Words
healthcare
Use synonyms
 costs.
In addition
Linking Words
, the government will be accountable to the public and not shareholders.
For example
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will make them more likely to prioritize public health objectives and reinvest profits into the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system, improving
services
Use synonyms
 and infrastructure. Another point to consider is the possibility that private companies, driven by profit motives, might prioritize financial gains over patient care. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that, it will lead to compromised
healthcare
Use synonyms
 quality or accessibility for lower-income individuals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, The concern that private
healthcare
Use synonyms
 may exacerbate health inequities.
For instance
Linking Words
, individuals with higher incomes can afford better
services
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others might be left with minimal care or forced into debt
due to
Linking Words
 medical expenses. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that if the government was the one in charge it would foster better medical
services
Use synonyms
 and it will prioritize
healthcare
Use synonyms
 over profit, it is will ensure equitable access for all citizens.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your Coherence and Cohesion, you could add more transitional phrases between your points to make the progression of your argument smoother. Additionally, consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance the fluidity of your essay.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This could involve citing particular studies, countries, or statistics that support your view. Also, ensure that your introduction more succinctly outlines the arguments you will discuss.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human right
  • equitable access
  • government-run healthcare
  • economies of scale
  • negotiate
  • healthcare costs
  • profit motives
  • compromised healthcare
  • health inequities
  • accountable
  • public health objectives
  • reinvest
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: