IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

"Individual actions have little or no effect on climate change. For this reason, worthwhile change can ony be made at governmental level. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

#actions #effect #climate #change #reason #ony #level
Currently, the average temperature on earth has increased to 1 degree
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
 a year, causing global warming. It will
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 us
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 extreme weather, the rise of sea level, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other catastrophic
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
. To prevent
this
 disaster
become
Wrong verb form
from becoming
show examples
 even worse should be started
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
. Here
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain why individual
actions
 is important
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the attempts to avoid
climate
 disaster. Imagine the people who do not care
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 crucial role of trees . They can easily exploit all the wood from the forests excessively, which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 the number of the forests area significantly. Without enough green area we have,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greenhouse gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 cannot be absorbed.
Then
,
leading
Wrong verb form
it leads
show examples
 human civilization to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 worse environmental situation.
Hence
, each individual should be aware and take
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
responsibility for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life quality. Some less effort
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
such
 as reducing the usage of plastics or
plant
Wrong verb form
planting
show examples
 a tree in their house yard may look
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not have any
effect
 as it just
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individually
Change the word
individual
show examples
actions
.
However
, remember that
million
Fix the agreement mistake
millions
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 do that effortless activity will give significant benefits to the
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
. Some people think that the
climate
 change issues should only for the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 responsibility. Unfortunately, we can not fully depend on the government to solve
this
 problem.
Let
Add a missing verb
Let's
show examples
 say they have made a law
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about restricting illegal logging. Without any support from their citizen, and they do not care about their
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 life, they will still do what they want without considering any harmful
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
. In conclusion, I disagree that individual
actions
 do not have any
effect
as
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
actions
 against
climate
 change. It will need their awareness on how important that we must do something to prevent any disaster from
climate
 change. Just one individual may have no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
effect
.
However
, should we know that there are
million
Correct your spelling
millions
show examples
 and
billion
Fix the agreement mistake
billions
show examples
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
 in the world which can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
effect
 if all of them care about their
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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