IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#aim #science #people #lives
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It is argued by many that the betterment of human
lives
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 should be the main focus of scientific knowledge and applications.
While
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 I understand the necessity of
science
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 in elevating the standard of living of people, I believe
scientific
Correct article usage
the scientific
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 domain should not be limited to
this
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.
This
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 essay will explain why I only partially agree with the statement.
Firstly
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, since humans are the ones who work with
science
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, it would seem logical if
science
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 was primarily utilized to improve their
lives
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. Universally, there are millions of people who experience substandard living conditions, even devoid of basic needs. If scientific applications are concentrated in fields like agriculture, medicine, and transport, these people might be able to obtain a better livelihood. The advancement of technologies will
also
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 benefit the ones who are already in better conditions by making their everyday life easier. Having considered all that, it is important to understand that if the primary goal of
science
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 is to enhance human
lives
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, other aspects of our living world will be deprived of its utility.
For example
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, more research needs to be diverted into the advancements of ecological
science
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 in order to preclude the extinctions of multiple species, some of which are essential to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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 the diversity of the gene pool.
Moreover
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, other fields
such
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 as environmental technology
also
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 need attention. A recent study published in Elsevier showed that the rate of depletion of groundwater levels in South Asian countries is alarming, and needs balancing to ensure sustainability.
Therefore
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, it can be seen that the focus of
science
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 should
also
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 be expanded over the other elements of the earth.
To conclude
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, I do not fully concur with the notion that the main goal of
science
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 should be the enhancement of human
lives
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 because the utility of
science
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 should be more diverse so as to meet the requirements of our planet.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, but there is room for improvement in terms of addressing all aspects of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally well-maintained. However, some improvements can be made to enhance the coherence and cohesion of your ideas.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is varied and appropriate for the task. However, there are opportunities to incorporate more specialized terminology related to the topic.
grammatical range
Your control of grammar and sentence structure is generally strong. Pay attention to minor errors in punctuation and verb tense consistency.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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