Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others believe that there are better ways to show that we care about them. *Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Giving
gifts
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and presents is a
way
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to show our
care
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and love for friends and family.
However
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, some
people
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believe that there are other ways to demonstrate concern for them.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I agree that other methods are more fundamental.
To begin
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with, it is widely accepted that buying
gifts
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and presents indicates
care
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for someone.
This
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is a common cultural practice that plays a significant role in birthdays, rituals, and other important events.
For example
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, on birthdays,
people
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often buy presents to express their kindheartedness.
Moreover
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, in some religions,
such
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as Yom Kippur in Judaism or Ashura in Islam,
people
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give
gifts
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to each other to celebrate these occasions. These are clear illustrations of the importance of buying
gifts
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and presents to connect
people
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in society.
On the other hand
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, there are other ways to show our
care
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for someone. Communicating sincerely and trying to understand their problems can be an effective
way
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to express our emotions.
This
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is vitally important because, as humans, we need someone in our bad times more than in our good times. Not only acknowledging their struggles but
also
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helping them overcome their issues can be a meaningful
way
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to have a lasting impact on them.
For instance
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, my uncle helped me learn English at a very young age, which has had a profound impact on my career.
Therefore
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, I personally agree that other ways are more essential than just buying
gifts
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to show our
care
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for
people
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. In conclusion,
while
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buying
gifts
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and presents is an integral part of global culture to depict our
care
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and love, assisting individuals with their challenges is a more valuable
way
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to demonstrate our concern.

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task achievement
To reach higher scores, you could develop your main points further with more specific examples and explanations for each point. This will enhance the completeness and depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include clear topic sentences for each paragraph and perhaps use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance overall coherence. Transition statements between ideas could also be more explicit.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are supported with relevant examples that reinforce the argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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