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Band 6.5

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#generations #people #life
It is a prevalent thought that elderly
people
 have a conventional perspective about how the young generation should live. It is sometimes argued that traditional thoughts have become obsolete,and youngsters should live
according to
 their modern period. I firmly agree with
this
 notion and I will explain my reasons in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, old
people
 have antique ideas and they do not know about state-of-the-art technology which plays a significant role in the Contemporary era.
In other words
, a significant number of old
people
 are in opposition to modern technology
progresses
Correct subject-verb agreement
progress
show examples
while
 these have facilitated and made young Generations' life easier to a large extent.
For instance
,
people
 in the past believed that youngsters should work hard and pursue their parent's traditional careers.
However
, nowadays adolescents land some online decent jobs which are lucrative and blockbusters among young
people
.
On the other hand
, elderly
people
 have had a discriminatory viewpoint about
women
. They did not possess the right to vote or contribute to society's issues.
Women
 were just considered housewives and were under tremendous emotional and misbehaving pressure. Almost all attitudes have altered these days. Men take
women
 as equal gender into their account. The more time goes by, the more
women
 acquire high dignity in different societies.
For example
,
women
 in the past could not even vote for selecting their country's presidential candidate.
Whereas
 in the modern era, some countries' presidents are
women
 who are completely successful when it comes to accomplishing their responsibilities. In conclusion, I personally take the view that most old
people
's notions have become absolute. The young generation can come
along with
 the modern era far better than the elderly one. The government should cultivate a link between these generations to exchange their experience for as long as possible.
Submitted by sr.alizadeh9191 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more coherently, especially in the second paragraph.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate words.
grammatical range
Pay closer attention to grammar and sentence structure, as there are errors throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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