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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph bellow shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2005.

The graph bellow shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2005.
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The bar chart
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrates
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 the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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of
Change preposition
for
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visitors
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
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 three museums between the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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of
Change preposition
apply
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2000 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, the visitor numbers for MET and National increased across the reporting years
while
Linking Words
 the visitor trend of Edo was varying. National Mesume in China had 6
million
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 times of visits annually in 2000 and steadily went up
1
Change preposition
by 1
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million
Use synonyms
visitors
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 in the next 4 years and reached 11
million
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 at the year of 2004.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2005, there was a significate jump of 5
million
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 visiting, from 11
million
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 to nearly 16
million
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. Met Mesume in New York has a similar trend except the number of
visitors
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 was half in 2001, from 12
million
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 down to 6
million
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. Afterwards, the visiting moved upward from 6
million
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 in 2001 to 14
million
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at the end
Linking Words
 of
reporting
Add an article
the reporting
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 period, 2005. Edo Mesume in Tokyo had a V-shape trending. At the beginning of the 2 reporting periods, 2000 and 2001, the number of people who went to Edo was 14
million
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 in a year.
However
Linking Words
, the figure went down and reached the bottom of 6
million
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 in
the
Change the article
apply
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2003, afterwards the number of
visitors
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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resumed and went up again to reach 10
million
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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