IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

some people believe teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects, even ones they do not enjoy. others, however, believe that teenagers should only focus on the subjects they are best at or find most interesting. discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #ones #focus
It's argued that students of higher secondary school should be attentive to all subjects whether subjects are enjoyed or not.
In contrast
, it's believed by another community that they should show their interest only
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
subject
 which they like the most. In my opinion, all topics are needed for a degree and certificate
while
 focusing on interesting
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 will help to get advanced knowledge that will help to get a specific job. In the beginning, learning different type of books help teenagers to come up with new ideas
as well as
 increase their vision which can help to think outside of the box.
Secondly
, school subjects are designed in a way that every
subject
 will be needed in the future. That might be because all topics are related to each other as they are basic. An educated person should know all fields of study.
For example
,
although
 my major
subject
 was physics, I needed to study chemistry, maths and statistics too.
On the other hand
, being concentrated on a
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
subject
 gives me happiness that ensures to study new things in
this
 field. At the same time, it helps
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 more skilful as
this
 is the topic.
For instance
, a programming job always requires knowing only one programming language but it should be deeper with new thinking abilities.
However
, I strongly believe that taking a degree is more important than attending a specific job. Degrees
also
 help students get a better lifestyle where there are a lot of options available. In conclusion, following all topics and giving a little bit more attention to your
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
subject
 will help teenagers to have a better future.
Submitted by sadikasharmin888 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt in a balanced manner. Provide arguments for both views and clearly state your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Well done in organizing your ideas and presenting them in a logical order. Maintain consistency in providing supporting evidence and examples throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more specific and varied language to express your ideas. Avoid repetition of words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay closer attention to your grammar to ensure accurate and precise communication. Review sentence structure and use appropriate tenses consistently.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentrate
  • school subjects
  • enjoy
  • focus
  • best at
  • interesting
  • benefits
  • well-rounded
  • education
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • discover
  • interests
  • talents
  • depth of knowledge
  • specialization
  • motivation
  • engagement
  • career paths
  • balanced approach
  • foundation
  • individual strengths
  • passions
  • opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: