IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions
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Some public believe that the income from
sports
Use synonyms
 persons and those who look at sport as their job are acceptable and some
people
Use synonyms
 have the opposite view. I,
however
Linking Words
, side with the former view in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that sportsmen and women have income more than others who work hard and it is fair.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is completely obvious that sport could create more and more occupation for
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
doctors
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 would work for themselves.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
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 mention that we would increase health in society and raise the quality of public life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we could demand mental health from
people
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 and
this
Linking Words
 could have many benefits for communities around the world.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are opposite arguments between
people
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 and they mention unfair money between
sports
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 and work. Some
people
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 have the ability to specific
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. To illustrate,
doctors
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 are not the same as those who are in the army.
in other words
Linking Words
,
doctors
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 rely on what they learn from theory, but a military person works with their physics. These occupations are something society wants but more and more
people
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 like these kinds of
jobs
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. In my view, I imagine
sports
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 would create more
jobs
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 for
people
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. They struggle with occupations and could cooperate with each other
such
Linking Words
 as
doctors
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 and Accountants. Companies could advertise their brand in
sports
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 with sponsorship, and
this
Linking Words
 could increase their benefit of selling products. In conclusion,
sports
Use synonyms
 can create
jobs
Use synonyms
 and increase both
people
Use synonyms
 health mental and physical,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 work with their capabilities, society needs those who can solve their problems. I partly agree with fair money on
sports
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, because of creates more
jobs
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 and cooperative
jobs
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 between
sports
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 and others.
Submitted by sr.alizadeh9191 on

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task response
Make sure to address all parts of the question and provide a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more coherently and use linking words to improve the overall flow of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more precise and academic language to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to verb tenses and sentence structure to improve grammatical accuracy.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
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