IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is sometimes argued whether
products
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 which contain
sugar
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 should be more expensive to limit
people
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's ability to buy
such
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 carbohydrate
products
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 or not. I completely disagree with
this
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 statement for several reasons which will be discussed in the following essay. Many ready meals and drinks contain high amount of
sugar
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 which lead to all
kinds
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 of diseases and health issues.
Firstly
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,
according to
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 medical advice and proof,
sugar
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 is one of the worst cooking ingredients which causes a variety of health problems.
For instance
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, consumers who receive large amounts of
sugar
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 per week are at high risk of type A or B diabetes which can cause lots of difficulties for them
such
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 as blindness.
Secondly
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, having
sugar
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 more than average in an individual's diet will lead to liver problems and
also
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 it is well-known that the liver has a direct effect on skin conditions.
For example
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, the worst
kinds
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 of acne can occur on the skin and face of a person which can decrease his/her self-confidence.
Finally
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, obesity is one of the biggest issues which can bother humans
due to
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 the high consumption of
sugar
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. It is sometimes believed that by increasing the price of sugary
products
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,
people
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 will not be able to overeat these
kinds
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 of foods and drinks. It seems to me a wrong decision because
people
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 should be well-informed and recognise which
kinds
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 of food are better for their bodies with regard to their nutritional values.
Also
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, they have to know that each action has consequences so they have to take responsibility for what they did.
Furthermore
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, whenever
people
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 have limited access to something they will make every effort to catch it.
Nevertheless
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, increasing the price of
products
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 with a large proportion of
sugar
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 not only can not encourage them to stop consuming
sugar
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 but
also
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 can push them to buy more
such
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products
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 before becoming expensive again, so it will have the opposite results. In conclusion, manufactured food and drinks with lots of artificial sweets are not good for human health condition but I do not believe in making
sugar
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products
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 more and more expensive in order to lessen peoples' ability to pay for them.

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task response
Make sure to fully address the prompt by presenting a clear opinion and supporting it throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear structural organization of ideas by using appropriate linking words and phrases.
lexical resource
Enhance the range and variety of vocabulary used by incorporating more academic and descriptive terms.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to eliminate errors and improve overall fluency.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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