IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A great number of people think that those with university education should get higher pay that those without, for they believe that the former have sweated and sacrificed more. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #education
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A substantial number of
people
Use synonyms
 argue that those who have tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 should earn more than those who have not
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they have sacrificed more time,
money
Correct word choice
and money
show examples
 and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 done
a really hard work
Remove the article
really hard work
a really hard job
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. From my point of view, those with the diploma should be well-paid
due to
Linking Words
 the efforts they have made.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 could have gone through a lot of trouble in order to get a higher-paid job without having
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
education
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, a good reason to make higher salaries for
people
Use synonyms
 with tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 is that they must have been studying for a long period of time to get the diploma.
Whereas
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 without it, simply tried to avoid spending
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of years in the
university
Use synonyms
. On the ground that they often think that getting
degree
Add an article
a degree
show examples
 is not worth it and it is much easier to make money even without it.
In addition
Linking Words
, students with higher
education
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a great deal of money on it.
Therefore
Linking Words
, their contribution can not be ignored and has to be paid back by the government in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 without tertiary
education
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 could have overcome many obstacles in order to earn more. It often happens that gifted, but underprivileged young
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and women can not afford
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
education
Use synonyms
, but they wish they could.
Thus
Linking Words
, those
people
Use synonyms
 try their best to achieve something without it. The efforts they have made have to be rewarded by a good salary, at least. Another point to consider is that their knowledge and experience in the field can be much better
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those with tertiary
education
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is owing to the practical skills which they possess and former
university
Use synonyms
 students usually do not
due to
Linking Words
 the academic way of teaching there.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I am of the opinion that
people
Use synonyms
 both
with
Correct pronoun usage
those with
show examples
 tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 and
without
Correct determiner usage
those without
show examples
 should earn equally. Their salary should depend on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 knowledge and ability to do the work properly.
Submitted by miaqu138 on

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task response
Ensure that your response fully addresses all aspects of the task prompt. You should clearly state your position and provide supporting points for both sides if necessary.
coherence cohesion
Focus on creating clear and cohesive paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph support and relate to the main idea.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using a wider variety of words and phrases. Try to avoid repetitive language and find more precise and specific words to convey your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar usage. Vary your sentence structures to display a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • university education
  • higher pay
  • sweated and sacrificed
  • higher education
  • time, effort, and financial investment
  • specialized knowledge and skills
  • job prospects
  • economic contributions
  • valuable contributions
  • fairness and equality
What to do next:
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