IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people argue that the government should spend money only on medical care and education but not on theatres or sports stadiums. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #care #education #theatres #sports #stadiums
There is no denying the fact that how the government should spend in any sector can be a debatable subject.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that the priority of spending money should be for medical and
education
 purposes. there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider medical
care
 and
education
 always come first before anything.
To begin
 with, the Government should prioritize spending on medical
care
 and
education
.
In other words
, making programs that help in building schools and clinics should help in that area.
In addition
, Investing in healthcare can improve societal well-being and quality of life.
For example
, so they can live longer which will help in building the country and raise the quality of life. Another point to consider
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
education
 is essential for the development of human capital and economic growth. It is
also
 possible to say that, to grow your country and have a strong base you should
care
 about
education
.
Moreover
, Funding for theatres and sports stadiums can be seen as a luxury rather than a necessity.
For instance
, if there is a budget surplus after caring about the essentials we can use them to build theatres and sports stadiums. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that the government must spend money first on medical
care
 and
education
 and
then
 the luxury places , I suggest that the governments make programs that help to in improveming medical
care
 and
education
.
Submitted by abdelaah.12 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are presented, but they could be strengthened. Consider adding more background information and a clear thesis statement in the introduction, and make the conclusion more conclusive by summarizing your main points and reiterating your stance.
coherence cohesion
You have presented clear ideas and arguments, but they lack sufficient support. Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your points.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic and you have provided a balanced view. However, it would be beneficial to present a stronger stance by clearly stating whether you agree or disagree with the given statement.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary. To further improve, try to use more varied and sophisticated vocabulary and expressions to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
grammatical range
Your overall grammatical range is satisfactory, but there are some errors and awkward sentence structures that can be improved. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • government expenditure
  • public health
  • medical facilities
  • access to healthcare
  • education system
  • quality education
  • human capital
  • economic growth
  • luxury
  • cultural development
  • social development
  • tourism
  • local economy
  • well-rounded society
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