IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The government should spend more money on railways than on roads. That do you think about this?

#government #money #railways #roads
In the modern era, a huge amount of
money
 is dedicated to the construction and renovation of infrastructures, and
due to
 the limited budget, authorities must decide which foundation is more necessary. Some individuals believe that railways are in higher priority
instead
 of
roads
. I, personally, consider erecting
roads
 more vital than railways,
although
, allocating
money
 to each has pros and cons. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
this
 matter thoroughly. First of all, I think
roads
 are of more vitality, because every day, an increasing number of people travel by cars, and their safety is related to the quality of the
roads
. If the
roads
 get widened and more equipped, the possibility of incidents will reduce.
Moreover
, with new
roads
, the time and the length of the travel will decrease.
In addition
 to
this
, by building better paths, there will be some stops for drivers to rest. Even they can use these places if they feel dizzy or sleepy.
On the other hand
, travelling by train is a crucial way
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 commuting between cities, and governments should undoubtedly put some
money
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
this
 purpose. We shouldn’t ignore the fact that an astonishing number of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 use trains, and renovating the old and wrecked path, and adding the new one will increase the level and the comfort of their journey. To put it in a nutshell, these two areas are both serious, and none of them can be ignored. It is best to have enough
money
 to invest in both of them, but if there is no opportunity like
this
, we should prioritize, and in my opinion, building
roads
 is more important
due to
 the huge crowd who
commutes
Correct subject-verb agreement
commute
show examples
 daily.
Submitted by mehrasa.elahian on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas are logically connected throughout the essay. Consider using topic sentences to introduce each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively summarize the main points of the essay. Maintain this level of clarity and conciseness throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied terms instead of repeating certain words or phrases.
grammatical range
Continue to work on your grammatical accuracy, especially in regard to sentence structure and verb tenses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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