There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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At present, youngsters face a huge stress to be successful in education, so an array of masses say that modules regarding other

skills

Use synonyms

instead

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of academics like studies on physical and cooking activities, need to be demolished from school's curriculum because

then

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, students can spend more time on academics. I strongly disagree with it because pupils should get a balanced education from school including how to improve their personal

skills

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Therefore

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, I will examine what would happen if those were extracted from the syllabus. First of all, in order to balance the stressful minds of younger people, subjects which teach them about the importance of physical wellbeing should be included, because doing exercises for the body can uplift health.

For example

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, if children who are stuck in tuition classes and college get the chance to exercise at least during the time period of

this

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subject, it can relax their busy brains.

Thus

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, modules which can improve the body fitness of kids need to be present in schools.

Moreover

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, kids should be taught how to perform general tasks so that their individual talents can be improved. Having said that, learning those fields can support them to have independent lives in future because

then

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they become capable of doing more general tasks.

For instance

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, if a child studies how to cook at college who does not have time at home to learn from his family, it would be a huge benefit for his future success.

Hence

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, learning modules which will improve personal

skills

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will be a huge advantage for students during their life to come. In conclusion, subjects which are not categorised as academics

such

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as fields which can upsurge the health status and children's

skills

Use synonyms

are really important to be included in the school's syllabus.

Therefore

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, I strongly believe subjects like cooking and body training should not be peeled out from colleges.

tlakshani005Sun Nov 05 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical flow of ideas.

task achievement

Consider providing more specific examples to support your main points.

lexical resource

Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas.

grammatical range

Pay attention to sentence structure and ensure your sentences are grammatically correct.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

311 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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