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Band 5

In many countries around the world,rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or a negative developement,

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #developement
Population between urban
areas
 and countryside has to be balanced in every country and nowadays, many countries are dealing with
this
 issue.
People
 who live in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 are relocating to
cities
 so the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
people
 who live in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 reducing. I do not agree to some extent with
this
 task.
This
 essay will support my view with examples.
Firstly
,
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 quality of life in
cities
 cannot be compared with rural
areas
 because
people
 in
cities
 have access to
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
better healthcare, public transportation and educational facilities so they are tempted to immigrate to urban
areas
.
However
, there are more job opportunities in urban
areas
 and
people
 take
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 time to find work
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
also
 access
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of jobs that they can choose
.
Change preposition
from.
show examples
 As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, they
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
 in moving to
cities
.
On the other hand
, in my opinion, there are many negative consequences.
Firstly
,
demand
Add an article
the demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing day by day because of the growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
.
In addition
, rural
areas
 are responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 producing
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 farmers we have, the less
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 we have. Another thing to consider is that the increasing number of
people
 in urban
cities
 causes more pollution
areas
 and more terrific so
people
 in urban
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 are not satisfied
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 issue. In conclusion,
although
 immigration from rural
areas
 to urban
areas
 is becoming common, I believe it can increase the quality of life for
people
 who immigrate but it causes
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 pollution and terrific and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
lack of
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
. Personally,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has to deal with
this
 issue and control it.
Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on

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task response
Ensure that the essay addresses all aspects of the task prompt and provides a clear opinion on whether the decrease in population in the countryside is a positive or negative development.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, it would be beneficial to include a thesis statement that clearly states the writer's opinion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and appropriate word choice. To enhance the lexical resource, try to include more precise and varied vocabulary.
grammatical range
The essay has a good command of grammar and sentence structure. However, there are a few instances of minor grammatical errors. Proofread carefully to minimize errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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