IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #music #individuals #stress #anxiety
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There is no doubt that most
people
 argue that
melody
 is an essential technique for each person in order to relieve not only their feelings of fear and worry but
also
 their strain. On
this
 topic, I strongly agree, as I suppose that there are two factors related to
this
 issue, which I will inform you of in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
,
music
 is one of
Correct article usage
the method
show examples
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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 that can stimulate the nerves to be more calm, delightful and relaxed
while
 every person obtains
high-pressure
Correct your spelling
high pressure
show examples
 during their hectic jobs or activities.
For instance
, after working office
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
, there are numerous
people
listen
Correct pronoun usage
who listen
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 to
music
while
 using public transportation in order to release
tensions
Fix the agreement mistake
tension
show examples
.
In addition
, a number of students who ought to accomplish their final project or thesis
that they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prefer to sing a song during break time. All of
this
 technique is an experiment to release high tension and pressure after getting hectic activity.
Secondly
, in leisure time, some
people
 prefer to attend a
music
 concert in order to make their minds more comfortable. In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 live
music
 concert, they can sing a song loudly
that
Correct word choice
and
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 they will be more enjoyable after getting rid of fatigue.
On the other hand
, a number of
people
also
 like to listen to
classical
Add an article
the classical
a classical
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
melodies
show examples
melody
Fix the agreement mistake
melodies
show examples
 which will hypnotize a person in terms of convenience.
This
 reason since instrumental equipment
such
 as piano and violin can convey a magical strain of
melody
 which will create
comfortable
Add an article
a comfortable
the comfortable
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 situation
to
Change preposition
for
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 the audience. By way of conclusion, I am really convinced that
music
 is an essential way to retrieve and reduce stress and anxiety.
Therefore
,
music
 can convey a magical and beautiful
melody
 and sound that will help
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 become more enjoyable and pleasant.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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introduction conclusion
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports your main points effectively.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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