IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #music #individuals #stress #anxiety
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There is no doubt that most
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
melody
Use synonyms
 is an essential technique for each person in order to relieve not only their feelings of fear and worry but
also
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 their strain. On
this
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 topic, I strongly agree, as I suppose that there are two factors related to
this
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 issue, which I will inform you of in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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,
music
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 is one of
Correct article usage
the method
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method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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 that can stimulate the nerves to be more calm, delightful and relaxed
while
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 every person obtains
high-pressure
Correct your spelling
high pressure
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 during their hectic jobs or activities.
For instance
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, after working office
hour
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hours
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, there are numerous
people
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listen
Correct pronoun usage
who listen
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 to
music
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while
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 using public transportation in order to release
tensions
Fix the agreement mistake
tension
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.
In addition
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, a number of students who ought to accomplish their final project or thesis
that they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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prefer to sing a song during break time. All of
this
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 technique is an experiment to release high tension and pressure after getting hectic activity.
Secondly
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, in leisure time, some
people
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 prefer to attend a
music
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 concert in order to make their minds more comfortable. In
the
Correct article usage
a
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 live
music
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 concert, they can sing a song loudly
that
Correct word choice
and
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 they will be more enjoyable after getting rid of fatigue.
On the other hand
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, a number of
people
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also
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 like to listen to
classical
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the classical
a classical
show examples
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
melodies
show examples
melody
Fix the agreement mistake
melodies
show examples
 which will hypnotize a person in terms of convenience.
This
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 reason since instrumental equipment
such
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 as piano and violin can convey a magical strain of
melody
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 which will create
comfortable
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a comfortable
the comfortable
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 situation
to
Change preposition
for
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 the audience. By way of conclusion, I am really convinced that
music
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 is an essential way to retrieve and reduce stress and anxiety.
Therefore
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,
music
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 can convey a magical and beautiful
melody
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 and sound that will help
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 become more enjoyable and pleasant.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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introduction conclusion
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports your main points effectively.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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