Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that most
people
argue that
melody
is an essential technique for each person in order to relieve not only their feelings of fear and worry but
also
their strain. On
this
topic, I strongly agree, as I suppose that there are two factors related to
this
issue, which I will inform you of in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
,
music
is one of
Correct article usage
the method
show examples
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
that can stimulate the nerves to be more calm, delightful and relaxed
while
every person obtains
high-pressure
Correct your spelling
high pressure
show examples
during their hectic jobs or activities.
For instance
, after working office
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
, there are numerous
people
listen
Correct pronoun usage
who listen
show examples
to
music
while
using public transportation in order to release
tensions
Fix the agreement mistake
tension
show examples
.
In addition
, a number of students who ought to accomplish their final project or thesis
that they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prefer to sing a song during break time. All of
this
technique is an experiment to release high tension and pressure after getting hectic activity.
Secondly
, in leisure time, some
people
prefer to attend a
music
concert in order to make their minds more comfortable. In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
live
music
concert, they can sing a song loudly
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
they will be more enjoyable after getting rid of fatigue.
On the other hand
, a number of
people
also
like to listen to
classical
Add an article
the classical
a classical
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
melodies
show examples
melody
Fix the agreement mistake
melodies
show examples
which will hypnotize a person in terms of convenience.
This
reason since instrumental equipment
such
as piano and violin can convey a magical strain of
melody
which will create
comfortable
Add an article
a comfortable
the comfortable
show examples
situation
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the audience. By way of conclusion, I am really convinced that
music
is an essential way to retrieve and reduce stress and anxiety.
Therefore
,
music
can convey a magical and beautiful
melody
and sound that will help
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
become more enjoyable and pleasant.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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introduction conclusion
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports your main points effectively.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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