IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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Most
museums
Use synonyms
 have admission fees
while
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 others are free.
While
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 there are convenient reasons for advantages which are irrefutable. I personally vote for drawbacks
due to
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 the loss of the original purpose of their existence and the decrease in people's tendency to visit them. The disadvantages of
this
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 nation are irrefutable and will be discussed.
To begin
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 with, society will lose its enthusiasm to visit galleries when they have to pay an admission fee.
In other words
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, these days there are more interesting activities that would pay for it
instead
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 of a gallery.
Hence
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, it is impossible for some of them to pay
such
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 money which leads to exacerbate their passion.
Moreover
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, admission fees will eliminate the main reason for the
museums
Use synonyms
' existence which is knowledge nations about the history of human beings on Earth.
This
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 knowledge is attractive for folks as much as it is free. The advantages,
however
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, cannot be overlooked. the income of
this
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 nation can be used for the maintenance of historical sites or stuff. To clarify, some
museums
Use synonyms
 need to take
this
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 fund because some unique stuff requires money to stay for a long time.
In addition
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 to money effort,
museums
Use synonyms
 need employees as well in order to give better services to their clients.
Therefore
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, they are the source of income to hire people.
However
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, these reasons are not logical to charge for entrance because of numerous non-profit organisations that support galleries.
To sum up
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, many institutions have entrance fees
while
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 others are free.
While
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 there are convincing reasons in favour of the benefits of
this
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 resolution, I strongly vote for the disadvantages because of the loss of the original purpose of their existence and the decrease in people's tendency to visit them.
Submitted by mirhashemim7 on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the prompt but lacks a clear stance on whether the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages. It is important to clearly state your position and then provide arguments to support it.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some coherence and cohesion in terms of the logical structure, but there are areas where ideas could be better organized and developed. Focus on clearly linking ideas and providing supporting evidence.
lexical resource
There is a variety of vocabulary used in the essay, but some words and phrases are used incorrectly or in an awkward way. Aim for more precise and accurate word choices.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Pay closer attention to grammar and sentence construction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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