Today more people put personal and private information online to do everyday activities such as banking, shopping, and socializing. Is this a positive or negative development？

#people #information #activities #development？

In modern society, it has become more and more common for people to expose their personal data online for daily activities

such

as banking, shopping, and social networking. In my opinion,

this

trend can be seen as a positive development. Of course, it is undeniable that when personal

information

, especially contact

information

such

as phone numbers or email addresses, is leaked, those who often enter detailed

information

online may be troubled by unknown calls or spam emails in their daily lives. Waste useless time dealing with these interruptions.

In addition

, there are many hidden dangers in the virtual world. Some hackers can easily break through

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

online

defenses

Change the spelling

defences

show examples

using their sophisticated techniques and

then

enter any website or create an online page exactly like the official website where a lot of useful citizen

information

details are stored with all the important data and even business data if one If the security system of an organization or a company is not established completely and firmly, the value will be leaked instantly.

However

, these potential problems can be solved by improving the security level of digital systems.

Additionally

, it comes with many significant benefits. The most obvious benefit is great convenience.

For example

, one can contact someone without having to find him and get ahead of him. People can pay for the items they want to buy in stores without having to carry cash or even bank cards in their pockets.

In addition

this

also

an important development for enterprises, because they can more quickly summarize all the individual characteristics of customers in order to locate their own social target groups and plan their next operating strategies like marketing management. Advancement in these two directions can speed up consumption and circulation and inject vitality into economic development. All in all,

while

uploading private

information

may bring some security issues to our lives, the more critical point is that our universal connections and economy remain vibrant.

Submitted by y2083749065 on Mon Nov 06 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides a roadmap for the essay.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments throughout the essay.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of your essay.

grammatical range

Pay more attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

324 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Today more people put personal and private information online to do everyday activities such as banking, shopping, and socializing. Is this a positive or negative development？

Include an introduction and conclusion

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

some people think that activities during the free-time should be planned while others disagree. Discuss both sides and include examples and relevant data from your own experience.

Most people today communicate using mobile phones and computers, and this has affected their need to meet face-to-face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

With increasing populations and ever growing urban centers, many countries are losing their natural beauty spots. What benefits are there to protecting places of natural beauty? How can this be solved?