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Today more people put personal and private information online to do everyday activities such as banking, shopping, and socializing. Is this a positive or negative development？

#people #information #activities #development？
In modern society, it has become more and more common for people to expose their personal data online for daily activities
such
 as banking, shopping, and social networking. In my opinion,
this
 trend can be seen as a positive development. Of course, it is undeniable that when personal
information
, especially contact
information
such
 as phone numbers or email addresses, is leaked, those who often enter detailed
information
 online may be troubled by unknown calls or spam emails in their daily lives. Waste useless time dealing with these interruptions.
In addition
, there are many hidden dangers in the virtual world. Some hackers can easily break through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
defenses
Change the spelling
defences
show examples
 using their sophisticated techniques and
then
 enter any website or create an online page exactly like the official website where a lot of useful citizen
information
 details are stored with all the important data and even business data if one If the security system of an organization or a company is not established completely and firmly, the value will be leaked instantly.
However
, these potential problems can be solved by improving the security level of digital systems.
Additionally
, it comes with many significant benefits. The most obvious benefit is great convenience.
For example
, one can contact someone without having to find him and get ahead of him. People can pay for the items they want to buy in stores without having to carry cash or even bank cards in their pockets.
In addition
,
this
 is
also
 an important development for enterprises, because they can more quickly summarize all the individual characteristics of customers in order to locate their own social target groups and plan their next operating strategies like marketing management. Advancement in these two directions can speed up consumption and circulation and inject vitality into economic development. All in all,
while
 uploading private
information
 may bring some security issues to our lives, the more critical point is that our universal connections and economy remain vibrant.
Submitted by y2083749065 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides a roadmap for the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of your essay.
grammatical range
Pay more attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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