IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

An increasing number of individuals are abandoning traditional sources like newspapers and television for obtaining news, relying instead on the internet. Do you consider this shift to be beneficial or detrimental?

#individuals #sources #newspapers #television #news #internet #shift
Today, many
people
 are more interested in getting their
news
 from the
internet
 rather than newspapers or television programs. As far as I am concerned, the pros outweigh the cons of using the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 as a means of obtaining
news
.
Firstly
, it is more convenient for
people
 to obtain
information
 through the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
While
 it may seem impossible for
people
 to watch TV programs outside of their homes or read newspapers
while
 walking, in fact, they can use their mobile phones to access the
internet
 and check reports at any time and from anywhere.
For example
, they can read the
news
while
 waiting for the bus or at a café.
Therefore
, when society diversifies its access to
information
, it gains a more comprehensive understanding of the current state of the world.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that fake
news
 on the
internet
 can easily mislead society. Since
people
 can post anything they want without taking responsibility for their actions, an increasing number of false claims are being exposed to citizens.
For instance
, if the public believes that stock market forecasts posted online are unreliable,
this
 could lead to financial instability.
Therefore
, the widespread dissemination of misleading
information
 will cause substantial concern and will negatively affect individuals and society once
people
 become easily deceived. All in all,
while
information
 spreading online can be dangerous and risky
due to
 a lack of regulation, it can still benefit
people
 through various platforms that offer opportunities to broaden their horizons.
Submitted by y2083749065 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your response addresses the prompt adequately. However, you could provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have good coherence and cohesion in your essay. The logical structure is clear, but you could work on improving the introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Your lexical resource is strong, with appropriate word choices and vocabulary. However, you could strive to use more varied and sophisticated vocabulary.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is generally accurate, with only minor errors. Keep practicing to further improve your sentence structures and grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • abandoning
  • traditional sources
  • relying on
  • shift
  • beneficial
  • detrimental
  • increased accessibility
  • convenience
  • wider range
  • engage with
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • critical thinking
  • analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: